Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 14

July 14: National Surrender Day (France)

• 1789 - French citizens storm the Bastille prison and free seven prisoners who were wrongly incarcerated after being accused of that most heinous of crimes in France: being English.
• 1798 - The Sedition Act becomes United States law, making it a federal crime to write, publish, or utter false or malicious statements about the U.S. government. The Uncyclopedia farm is raided, and several prized bovines are tipped over.
• 1914 - Confusion over guacamole and the Whack-a-mole game leads to a victory by the army of Venustiano Carranza over Pancho Villa's forces in northern Mexico.
• 1940 - Vichy France is established after capitulation to Germany, making the film Casablanca possible.
• 1969 - The United States removes all large bills from circulation, much to the dismay of the legendary Salmon P. Chase (the face of the $10,000 bill) and his adoring fans.
• 1974 - It's Christmas, Folks, and Just Look at the Mess We've Made by John Lennon reached number one on the charts.
• 2000 - A powerful solar flare, later named the Bastille Day Event, causes a geomagnetic storm on Earth. The French immediately surrender to the sun and agree to a two-year occupation of Paris, much to the chagrin of French sunblock and parasol manufacturers.
• 2007 - A breakthrough study shows that those who read often are actually better at reading than those who seldom read.
• 2008 - A second breakthrough study shows that those who seldom read are better at not reading than those who read often.
• 2009 - A third breakthrough study shows that those who read often are worse at reading when those who seldom read deprive the former of their pretentious glasses.
• 2010 - A fourth breakthrough study shows that those who read often do not know how to read, while those who seldom read are contributors to Uncyclopedia.
• 2011 - A fifth breakthrough study shows that breakthrough studies get annoying fairly quickly.