Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/January 17

January 17: Advance Australia Fair Day

• Dreamtime - Aboriginal ancestors arrive in Australia, encountering all kinds of poisonous animals, not to mention plants. They try to leave but find their boats have been destroyed by bunyips looking for pirate booty.
• c.13,500 BCE - Dingoes discover they can eat just about anyone's baby, a fact not determined by white Australians until 1986.
• 1503 - Suleiman the Magnificent invents the unicycle. However, he would not finish the owner's manual, The Unicyclopedia, before his death.
• 1732 - Australian naturalists discover the hard way that platypuses have poisonous spurs.
• 1788 - England devises transportation to Australia as punishment for minor to major crimes. Arriving prisoners could have their choice of poisonous animal for a pet or birthday lunch.
• 1844 - Redback spiders discover the underside of a toilet seat as a good hiding place. Australians remove outhouse roofs to prevent cranial injuries when bitten.
• 1857 - Reported vampire bush rangers roaming the outback turn out to be pairs of drop bears, one riding on the other's shoulders and covered by a poncho.
• 1880 - Ned Kelly becomes the first Iron Man, with mixed results.
• 1956 - Mel Gibson is born, and born batshit insane due to his mother not drinking enough alcohol during delivery.
• 1983 - Australians weep openly as a major drought continues, forcing farmers to water their crops with beer.
• 1993 - Victoria and New South Wales ban Easter when peeps in Easter baskets attack and kill small children. Northern Territories residents consider them to be wimps as they dress up yowies as Easter bunnies to deliver baskets.
• 2006 - Salt-water crocodiles mourn the death of zoologist Steve Irwin as he always fed them chickens and small children. Chicken reactions are more muted.