Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/April 16

April 16: Stationary Banana Slug Riding Day

• 1560 BCE - Moses forgets to take his schizophrenia pills and begins to hear voices. He takes off from Ur, resulting in all of modern humanity's problems.
• 1178 BCE - Odysseus, legendary King of Ithaca, returns to his kingdom after the Trojan War. Cornellians giggle uncontrollably.
• 1855 - Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln enjoy a night of mad passionate love; sloppy seconds are had after Mr. Lincoln keeps his promise that the "South Shall Rise Again!"
• 1867 - Queen Victoria considers ending her mourning phase, but continues on: "Why spoil a good time?"
• 1878 - Joseph Stalin is born, immediately sending his parents to a gulag for birthing a monster.
• 1889 - Future German dictator, Charles Spencer Chaplin, is born.
• 1927 - It is a good day to be born if you are the leader of a world religion with the maddest gaze in human history.
• 1934 - Eleanor Roosevelt uncharacteristically enjoys a hotdog.
• 1943 - The first "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest is held in the Soviet Union. (pictured) Joseph Stalin wins unanimously.
• 1953 - Desi Arnaz slaps Lucille Ball, calling her an 'estupit beach' on national television.
• 2006 - The Queen of England decrees that all Australians must wear cork underpants.
• 2007 - Donald Trump pardons the 2007 "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest winner for her objectionable behavior after an "all-night session" behind closed doors.