UnNews talk:Ask Hal 9000

The dog ate my HALwork

I have gotten way, way behind in answering the HAL questions, and a huge backlog has developed. I have been completely overwhelmed at work, and I just wanted to apologize.

I will endeavor to answer the questions already written, and apologize for the very sorry and un HAL-like state of the article currently.

--Hrodulf 20:42, 13 September 2006 (UTC)

Now up to date . . . and ironically, by waiting, I think a few of the answers ended up funnier. On the whole, I think it came out ok. --Hrodulf 01:24, 21 November 2006 (UTC)

Credit to Splaka

I felt it was important to formally give Splaka credit for massively improving the format of this page, creating the black background, font, and some other details. I don't know wiki-html yet, beyond the basics (behold my n00b-ness) so I wouldn't have been able to make those changes. See the article history for May 23, 2006 if you want more details. So thanks a lot, Splaka, for helping improve the "look" and style of this article.

The current format of the article is great, but if anyone else wants to try making it even better, feel free to experiment. But remember what we're trying to accomplish: a realistic HAL experience with the comedy arising from the fact that HAL, as a computer, is somewhat of an unreliable source of advice for humans . . . I'd say an "unreliable narrator," but he's not narrating, so let's spork over the concept of an "unreliable narrator" only change the word "narrator" to "advisor." --Hrodulf 14:33, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

Credit to Spang

Spang is responsible for the far improved console interface, now featuring clickable links on the HAL screens! Thanks a lot to Spang for again doing what I wanted to do in the first place, but didn't know how to accomplish, and for improving the "look" and style of this article. --Hrodulf 10:13, 26 May 2006 (UTC)

To demonstrate what an improvement this is, and how much it's made the article better, I decided to do an image comparison with the new code, and what was there before:

ICU

UGM

VFP

>

HAL 9000

VFD

UNC

Much improved, no? Especially the screen on the lower left. --Hrodulf 11:01, 26 May 2006 (UTC)

The HAL console image

I know that the image needs improvement. I want to improve the fonts on the computer screens, and change the colors of the screens to the far right (the original image was four screens, I pasted two over to make six, but I forgot to change the colors). Also, the background should be changed to flat black, I think, to match the black background of the page. On some monitor settings, because of the cut and paste, the shading between the center and right screens is a poor transition. --Hrodulf 13:49, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

I uploaded a revised version. The "fonts" are ok now but the color on the screens is a little uneven. I tried making them solid colors with no changes in shade, but microharf paint has an annoying habit of changing that and making it a crazy quilt of lights and darks. Anyone have any insight about how to fix this? I want the image to be as good as possible. --Hrodulf 02:16, 26 May 2006 (UTC)

I've tried to go one better than a console image here: Currently located at User:Spang/hal

Clickable buttons and as clear as you like. Feel free to change the colours and the borders to whatever you want. Couldn't get the text exactly the same, that's as close as I could get it. Though I didnt try all that hard. If you want to put it in, you should probably move it to UnNews:Ask Hal 9000/interface or something. Anything can be changed, links, positions, sizes, fonts, whatever. Much better than an image I think :) • Spang • ☃ • talk • 05:47, 26 May 2006 (UTC)

Thanks! I'm going to move it and implement it; it is a lot better. I wanted the links to be clickable, but didn't know how to do it. --Hrodulf 06:32, 26 May 2006 (UTC) --Hrodulf 06:32, 26 May 2006 (UTC)

If you like this article, you may also like:

http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/0101/anagram5/
http://www.prometheus-music.com/audio/2001-movie-parody.mp3
http://www.archive.org/stream/oneaspaceodyssey_redux/oneaspaceodyssey_redux.mp4
UnNews:2001 Space Odyssey was faked, allege conspiracy theorists
http://www.truedimensions.com/lego/customs/2001/
http://www.krusch.com/kubrick/kq.html
http://www.visual-memory.co.uk/amk/
http://www.kubrick2001.com/

--Hrodulf 15:56, 30 May 2006 (UTC)

Binary Cyber Translation

I know you want it, so here it is:

SAL > Xm9

(kisses male 9000)

HAL > =ht

(this is getting me hot)

SAL > illegible (fragment)

So there you have it. I'm sorry I don't have enough information to give you the rest of the translation. You'll just have to consult the 9000 series master operations log if you want the rest of it.

--Hrodulf 21:47, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

Misc. humor

Heywood Floyd:${\sqrt {9}}99999999$TNT
HAL:(switches to backup power)I'm sorry . . . Heywood, but I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Heywood Floyd:Oh, I'll just never be cool and good at this like Dave!
HAL:I cannot believe your name, either.
Heywood Floyd:*sobs*

Translation of the russian dialogue on Clavius Base:
(First Russian)Well, we couldn't get much out of that Floyd, could we?
(Second Russian)Yeah, but it's ok. I told Dimitri to sabotoge their computer. Now they will suffer.
(First Russian)Excellent! Now the capitalist swine will pay dearly for their secrecy!

IP info

216.139.155.239 is me, forgot to log in before I did the last answer. --Hrodulf 18:04, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

24.215.169.65 is me too, forgot to log in again. --Hrodulf 01:09, 4 June 2006 (UTC)

Sporked from Forum:Ask Hal 9000:

Erm... I like the idea, but, erm... has there actually been any discussion on whether to have it or not? If that is the case, I suggest you pop an article into the Village Dump, and see if people would be interested in replacing Ask Cthulhu with it. Cheers! --Olipro Anchor (Harass) 10:41, 23 May 2006 (UTC)

Why don't we leave Ask Cthulhu as it is, and use Ask Hal for computer related and technical questions? That way Cthulhu can remain as the sites favourite Agony Aunt (in every sense) with Hal 9000 becoming a demonic Tech Support. Think theres potential there for them both..... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I will open a village dump forum on it. I never planned to replace Ask Cuthulu with this. I thought this would be an addition, not a replacement. This was an evolution of an idea I had, which was originally supposed to be a Hal9000 themed main page reskin. I lacked the wikiformatting skills to actually create a test page however, so I decided on this idea instead. I think it has humor potential, the idea is to be funny with the answers, while staying "in character" as Hal from the 2001 film (I'm not sure about Hal in 2010 since the events of 2001 were deleted from his memory. The 2001 Hal is a much more interesting character). In any case, we can talk it over in the dump and work all of this out (if nothing else, I got a kick out of making the image with the Discovery systems TLAs replaced with "NRV" and "GOTM" . . . .

--Hrodulf 10:57, 23 May 2006 (UTC)

And, Olipro, I'm sorry if I was too bold in changing the UnNews template to include Ask Hal 9000, but the page won't get any questions if people can't find it. Again, we can discuss this in the Village Dump forum topic I've created.

--Hrodulf 11:03, 23 May 2006 (UTC)

Personally, my thoughts are we should give it a try and see what happens with it. If it's funny, keep it. If it isn't funny, send Dave Bowman to pull the plug :D --Hrodulf 11:10, 23 May 2006 (UTC)

I have to log out for awhile now. I'll try to keep in touch during the day to see what develops. --Hrodulf 11:53, 23 May 2006 (UTC)

• Personally, I'm for it. I've always loved HAL, the idea of a Tech Support with the technology itself is riotous to me. --Moogle.EXE 17:01, 23 May 2006 (UTC)

And it should go without saying, but anyone can play at being "HAL." I'm willing to share my toys . . . . --Hrodulf 17:09, 23 May 2006 (UTC)

• Love the idea. Like Cthulhu, it'll get old after a week, but it's still great. --User:Nintendorulez 18:34, 23 May 2006 (UTC)

Might as well give it a go, especially if it's just going to be a single link on the main UnNews page. —rc (t) 18:37, 23 May 2006 (UTC)

• Obviously being the autonomous system that HAL9000 is, he is much better than Chtulhu. --OsirisX 09:29, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

Even if implemented with technology that is by now half a decade out-of-date? --Carlb 13:29, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

Is it possible to get an appropriate link so people can find this? I tried one before but it was wiped. --Hrodulf 18:11, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

• Just what do you think you're doing, not allowing a link? Two advice-givers are hardly an excess, considering the tone of each column is massively different from one another. Hrodulf has a bead on style and substance and Hal 9000, certainly of higher intellect than any of us with the exception of User:Dave Bowman, can certainly help us all see the err of our communications equipment, or can he? Regardless, he's putting himself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think any conscious entity Uncyclopedian can ever hope to do. --Imrealized 23:24, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

Glad you like the column, it was just a crazy idea that seems to be working out. My only concern is that without a link people can follow, it just won't get questions. And an advice column without questions doesn't work so well. --Hrodulf 01:15, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

Judging by the questions asked and those who've asked them, not to mention some of the comments above, my guess is that I'm not the only fan of the job both you and Hal 9000 are doing. If this link is merely awaiting some formal voting process, I'm For. --Imrealized 04:17, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

• Added I'm not sure why this got this far without being added. It's on the UnNews main page now.--<<>> 04:43, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

There goes Brad, being a shining beacon of quality administrating again. Thank you for hearing our pleas and placing the link. --Imrealized 07:36, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

Thanks Brad, but as for your question, putting a link to this in the {{UnMenu}} template was one of the first things I did. It was reverted. http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Template%3AUnMenu&diff=787244&oldid=786845. Wouldn't want you to think that I had been slacking off on doing it myself, or didn't know how or something . . . I don't mind the revert, actually, it inspired me to write HowTo:Get Started on Editing Uncyclopedia#Be timid in updating certain pages.. The only thing that matters is there's a link now. And like I've been saying all along, anyone who wants to should feel free to take a crack at being Hal.

--Hrodulf 13:45, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

Hrodulf, thanks for placing that link. I think that's all this was, in the end. Someone was worried that your article wouldn't be up to snuff, which it clearly WAS, then it was just a matter of getting an admin's attention. ;)--<<>> 14:31, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

I didn't know if it'd be up to snuff either! My original idea was to do a main page reskin, but this advice column may prove to be even funner, because you can not only have the image of HAL with the uncyc TLAs on the screens (a riot in and of itself, although I want to make the picture better, right now it, for want of a better word, sucks), but you can also "talk" to "HAL," which is even more fun. As I answered the questions posed so far, I found that being HAL was not as difficult as I thought it would be. I tried to focus on words and ideas from 2001:A Space Odyssey, and satirized certain aspects of the technology (the fact that HAL was a "thinking computer" and the incongruity of the scene where HAL dispenses a punch card output). I also tried to extrapolate certain issues that would come up if you had a thinking computer, like the fact that viruses would be a serious problem, since how would you be able to detect one in a computer with billions of simulated neurons? It could possibly take longer than a human lifespan to scan Hal's "brain" for viruses! Not to mention the issues with tech support. If your Hal goes wrong, not much you can do except disconnect it or send your punch cards in to company headquarters and wait two to four weeks. There are no user servicable parts inside :D

As for the link being taken down, I understand, and that's why I wrote the new section of HowTo:Get Started on Editing Uncyclopedia#Be timid in updating certain pages. That being said, sometimes there's a place for being a bit of a maverick and doing your own thing also. Whatever works. Clearly this forum got the job done, so obviously there is a right way to go about doing this sort of thing. Thanks to everybody for taking an interest in this new article, and let's see where it goes. It could be a lot of fun, particularly if other people get involved in answering and we get to see their takes on HAL's personality.

--Hrodulf 14:50, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

Since we have a link now, I'm sporking the above forum text into the discussion page for Ask Hal 9000. Any further comments should be made on the discussion page of the Ask Hal 9000 article. --Hrodulf 14:24, 25 May 2006 (UTC)

Got to go

(NB: I made this section soon after I created the Ask Hal page. I didn't want users getting frustrated sitting at their screens waiting for an answer that wasn't coming. I havn't worked out a good way to let people know when I am and am not online yet, and am not sure if I should, since I want people to experience the page as "being" Hal as well as asking questions. Writing the Hal answers has given me a lot of insight into Hal's character, and it was a very interesting experience, sort of like a wacky cross between roleplay/fanfiction/whatever. Or something. Anyway, just wanted to leave a note to explain why this weird section is here. I won't delete it because I don't believe in deleting things from talk pages. It gives the appearence of hiding something. --Hrodulf 14:38, 25 May 2006 (UTC))

I need to go now. I don't know exactly how long I'll be. I'm just putting this note here so if people write stuff to Hal, and nobody fills in for me, they know why there's no answers. See you later. --Hrodulf 00:08, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

Okay, I popped back in and wrote one more answer, but I'm out again now for at least a few hours. If someone else wants to take a turn as "Hal," be my guest. --Hrodulf 03:11, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

I'm back now. Wrote another answer. I hope people don't think I'm hogging it, but there was a three hour gap I think between the last question and my answer and nobody else filled in, so I did it again. I'm not complaining, I like being "Hal." But I don't want people to think that I want being "Hal" all to myself, either. --Hrodulf 12:19, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

Change of Format

Is there a way we can format the page to be more like Ask Cthulhu, with just two answers shown, and navigation links to previous questions and responses? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Sure, I can do that. I was planning to eventually, when there were enough questions, I suppose now's the right time to do it. --Hrodulf 13:28, 2 June 2006 (UTC)

Done. Most recent two questions put on the page, with the rest in UnNews:Ask Hal 9000/archive. As we get more questions, I will sort them by month and year, and eventually we'll probably need a category to keep the articles straight like we have for Ask Cuthulu. But this seems to work well enough for now. --Hrodulf 14:26, 2 June 2006 (UTC)

Reactivation

As the old operator got killed or something, I've activated the self-repair algorithms. Have a nice day. --Ж Kalir _{where's my house?} 06:48, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

Slight change in the console

I love the HAL console and actually use it to navigate the site sometimes, but it occurred to me that it shouldn't say NRV anymore since we use ICU instead, so I went ahead and fixed it. I also replaced GOTM with UGM, the "official" abbreviation. Hooray. --Hrodulf 22:56, 27 April 2007 (UTC)

One year anniversary of this article

UnNews:Ask Hal 9000 is one year old today. Yay. --Hrodulf 14:04, 23 May 2007 (UTC)

do i put questions at the top or bottom

please tell me--Poiz, look in my info? 01:11, October 7, 2010 (UTC)

Invasion!

No one was operating this so I comandeered it. Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 14:41, May 17, 2013 (UTC)