UnNews:Yank woman presumes to speak to the Empire

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We have met the enemy, and he is us ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, April 18, 2024, 23:24:59 (UTC)
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15 October 2017

New pound coins have now compwetewy wepwaced the ohd. With the simuwtaneous wegime change, usuhper HWH Empwess Joanne has decweed the new coins cawwy an image of some sort of animal. The 12 invisibuhw sides of the coin ahh a key secuwity feature. We will pause whiwe a pwopah accounting is made heeyuh.

This translation and summary of an earlier article is provided as a service to the Upper Classes by the UnCN Service. Please have your maidservant or butler read this to you so that any big words can be explained.

Portmeiwion, North Borderlands -- The deadwine hahs pahssed for wedeeming the old pound coins with an estimated 500 miwwion stiww in circuwation. The changeovuh was made necessawy becawse the ohd coins wewe easiwy faked. This was evidenced by the wecent awwest of a notowious wing of juveniwuh hoowigans.

This was ahfter wast Decembwuh’s mass awwests of severah hundwed children who ah not of ahh kind and thewefowe insignificant. "They’wuh onwy chocowate. It’s a (unintelligbwuh) twadition", cwaimed Daffyd Wwewewwen, a pwiest fwom some fwuity wewigion. Aww ah cuwwentwy being hewud in a we-opened Maze Pwison, so good widdance.

Exchequewah fowuh the Tweasury Wohmahn Awtyukhin noted, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah". When given a pwopah "Get on with it, man", he added, "Blah, blah, blah".

Monetawy expuht Bawwett Stwong has an expwanation faw the missing coins. "These awuh often used to wevwuh the wegs of wobbwy furnituwuh or jammed in windows to keep them fwom wattwing in stowms. His comments continue on to suggest that miword or miwady have the stahff check out the basement for badgewuhs.

Shopping twowweys, pahking metewuhs and beggahs wiww no wonger accept the ohd coins except at miword’s or miwady’s insistence. The pawagraph continues with unfunny Yank jibes onwy understandbwuh by the hoi powwoi.

This, as always, has weft the uppewuh cwasses unwuffled.

The Mint has wecently weceived ordahs for the high-tech machinewy used in making the newer 12-sided coins. We wiwuh again pause heeyuh for a pwopah fuww accounting. Bolshi Land and sevewal of its neighbouwing sattewites said they want to make "their own 12-sided coins as soon as possible". We wiwuh once again pause heeyuh for a pwopah fuww accounting. Awarmists were cahmed by Tweasury officiawuhs who said the secuwity feature, "Kindwy Do Not Countewfeit" inscwibed on the edge of the new coin, would pwevent abuse.

Do enjoy your fox hunt later this morning.

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