UnNews:Wikipedia, Wikia Victim Of Wiki-Terrorism
| Fake News that's honestly fake | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Friday, November 22, 2024, 00:02:59 (UTC) |
| Wikipedia, Wikia Victim Of Wiki-Terrorism | 
|
9 April 2006
 |
UnNews Audio (file info) |
| Listen to this story! | |
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope. |
|
Earlier this evening, Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia, and related host Wikia, were the targets of a vicious attack on its servers, resulting in a long period of downtime as the organisation scrambled for both new administrators and servers.
It has thus appeared to many that we are entering a new era of wiki-terrorism, with the wiki-terrorists now moving, from simple acts of vandalism and page blanking, to more serious crimes. At the time of publishing, Wikipedia & Wikia founder Jimbo Wales was unavailable for comment, although he did nonetheless release this official statement;
“This attack has astounded, shocked and disgusted me, and I will be consulting with fellow Wiki leaders for a discussion on drafting new Wiki-legislation to prevent these attacks happening again”
It was at 2:36 PM EST that the attack took place, wiping out the entire Florida server center and creating a forest of devastation.
Forensics quickly scrambled onto the site along with firefighters in order to combat the blaze, and in the hope of recovering any pieces of evidence available. Currently, inside sources are claiming that the attack was in fact a suicide mission, by well-known Wiki-vandal Willy on Wheels thus making him (again) the most successful wiki-vandal of all time, also earning him the upgraded status of Wiki-Terrorist, and a place in the history books.
This guy just, like, ran through the front doors with this stuff wrapped round him, screaming "Fuck Wikipedia!" before he just... hit this button and... exploded 
~ Tom Hutchins
The blast is believed to have claimed the lives of all the servers, and several administrators too, although a few have nonetheless managed to survive the blast.
Initially Wikipedia was unaffected by the destruction of the center; however, this appears to have resulted in a (presumably anticipated) chain reaction, and has thus succeeded in taking most of Wikipedia down, reducing it to a mere error page and hence spectacularly improving its overall factual accuracy.
Officials rushed to bring operations back as soon as possible; a Californian datacentre was up and running within a few hours. However, it was discovered that their hardware was sadly out of date; It currently consists of a cluster of Commodore 64s with an army of volunteers swapping in and out the 5 1/4 inch floppy disks to handle each query. Meanwhile the cleanup and recovery operation began in Florida, with officials hoping to bring the primary servers back up within the month; also aiming to deploy a perimeter defence force to prevent any attack of this sort in the future.
Wikipedians themselves had trouble dealing with this unanticpated outage. Some were forced to socialize with friends and family, while others, in an unprecedented action, pursued interests in the opposite sex. One wikipedia user who asked to remain anonymous said: "I just patched things up with my wife and kids. I can't believe I wasted so much of my life in front of a keyboard. I've wasted so many years." Jimbo Wales refused to comment on this issue. Sources indicate he is too busy bracing for a drop in contributors due to the influx of Wiki blackout babies expected to be born nine months from now.
See also[edit]
Previous UnNews reports on what's now considered deliberate attacks perpetrated by Willy on Wheels: