UnNews:Whitey goes to Heaven
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| Democracy Dies with Dignity | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, December 22, 2024, 02:47:59 (UTC) |
| Whitey goes to Heaven | 
|
28 May 2011
125th and Lexington, NEW YORK -- This is a news piece about Whitey going to Heaven. It was inspired by Whitey going to heaven and also Gil Scott-Heron's passing, but don't tell his estate or they'll try to sue. We'd like to give credit where credit is due.
- Gil Scott-Heron was just found dead
- And Whitey goes to Heaven
- His flesh lay rotting in his bed
- And Whitey goes to Heaven
- He's going to hell, last I heard
- And Whitey goes to Heaven
- God's not a fan of spoken word
- But still Whitey goes to Heaven
- He went to church every day
- And Whitey goes to Heaven
- He absolved his sins and tried to pray
- But Whitey took all the spots in Heaven
- Now he's left behind this mortal coil
- After all those years of hard work and toil
- All to be left in the sun to spoil
- While Whitey goes to Heaven
- So go to your local record store
- Sell out his albums to settle the score
- And send the checks to Scott-Heron's address
- To pay the fee to bury his flesh
- So he's got plenty of coin in his mouth
- For booze and craps when he heads down south
- With a smile on his face and his middle finger up
- Pointed straight up
- (bongo solo)
- At Whitey up in Heaven
Gil Scott-Heron's funeral is scheduled for Monday, but will not be televised. It will be live.
Sources[edit]
- Dr. Theodore Whitey "It's a Small Jump From the Moon to the Skies". Motown Publishers, June 15, 1970
- Gil from Beyond the Grave "Whitey Reporting My News". Fox News, May 5, 2011
 Quasi-Featured Article (23 June 2011)This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by a Maia, it didn't make the cut (8.5/15). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. |