UnNews:Whitey goes to Heaven

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Where man always bites dog UnNews Wednesday, November 29, 2023, 04:52:59 (UTC)

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28 May 2011

This is the best picture of Scott-Heron we could find (And Whitey's still in Heaven)

125th and Lexington, NEW YORK -- This is a news piece about Whitey going to Heaven. It was inspired by Whitey going to heaven and also Gil Scott-Heron's passing, but don't tell his estate or they'll try to sue. We'd like to give credit where credit is due.

Gil Scott-Heron was just found dead
And Whitey goes to Heaven
His flesh lay rotting in his bed
And Whitey goes to Heaven
He's going to hell, last I heard
And Whitey goes to Heaven
God's not a fan of spoken word
But still Whitey goes to Heaven
He went to church every day
And Whitey goes to Heaven
He absolved his sins and tried to pray
But Whitey took all the spots in Heaven
Now he's left behind this mortal coil
After all those years of hard work and toil
All to be left in the sun to spoil
While Whitey goes to Heaven
So go to your local record store
Sell out his albums to settle the score
And send the checks to Scott-Heron's address
To pay the fee to bury his flesh
So he's got plenty of coin in his mouth
For booze and craps when he heads down south
With a smile on his face and his middle finger up
Pointed straight up
(bongo solo)
At Whitey up in Heaven

Gil Scott-Heron's funeral is scheduled for Monday, but will not be televised. It will be live.


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