UnNews:UCLA Extension to offer "Drinking 101"

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10 November 2009

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LOS ANGELES, California -- In what's being called 'a gargantuan display of poor judgement', the University of California, Los Angeles University Extension Program is offering a class entitled "Beer Drinking 101."

As a result a California man, course Instructor Ed Ackerman, has been arrested and will soon be booked and violated at the brand new Police Station in Downtown Los Angeles by the Los Angeles Police Department, questioned, then violated, questioned, violated, and then just repeatedly violated over and over.

"It is not my fault! Why are you arresting me? Can't whatever this is wait at least until the game is over-Denver's playing the Steelers and it is going to be a close one!"

District Attorney Carmen Trutanich is accusing Mr. Ackerman of "wistful particpation, instruction, and promotion of a debaucherous course at an educational institution... "I have a right to my football!" stated the 31 year old of the People's Republic of Santa Monica as he kicked and screamed at the sports bar. "It is well within my rights to drink beer, watch sports, and curse-dammit, and then teach all this to hot hottie chicks! I'm an Instructor-I'm a man! TOUCHDOWN, WOO-HOOO!"

An unnamed spokeshole for the Extension Program released the following statement: "It is important that students focus their attention when need be regardless of the course. It is the opinion of this Institution that the consumption of beer of recent has been lax if not lazy. A focused, deliberate approach has by far the best yields and today's typical students lack the diligence and determination to effectively drink beer. Thus, we are offering the course."


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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.