UnNews:Trump pardons Susan B. Anthony dollar

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures! UnNews Wednesday, April 24, 2024, 05:48:59 (UTC)

Trump pardons Susan B. Anthony dollar UnNews Logo Potato.png

18 August 2020

The reverse shows an eagle flying on the airless surface of the moon, a separate affront to common sense.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump made history Tuesday by granting a full pardon to the Susan B. Anthony dollar to mark the centennial of U.S. women's right to vote.

The Anthony dollar was a felony bad idea of President Jimmy Carter, circulating from 1979 through 1981. Not only was it virtually identical in size to the quarter-dollar, leading many Americans to short-change themselves by a factor of four, no one wanted a suffragette on their coins, least of all a moon-faced crone like Ms. Anthony. Although the U.S. Mint turned a 100% profit, as all the Anthony dollars it minted instantly went out of circulation and onto fishing tackle, the project was cancelled after two years, its fate sealed once Carter was replaced by misogynist Ronald Reagan.

Trump's pardon means the Anthony dollar will serve no jail time. It may join Roger Stone and General Flynn, two other beneficiaries of Presidential absolution, and write a book and go on a promotional tour on talk radio.

The A.F.D.C. (Sacajawea) dollar

The coin was the last Women's Lib currency project until the Bill Clinton administration pressed a dollar coin with an unwed mother purporting to be Indian guide Sacajawea. It was designed to give Clinton additional credibility on women's issues; close, but no cigar. It bombed too and is now found only in top dresser drawers, behind the socks.

Trump's pardon did not extend to this coin, for which the opposition accused him of hypocrisy.

Sources[edit]