UnNews:Trump meets with Ali Baba

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We have met the enemy, and he is us ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 12:34:59 (UTC)
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9 January 2017

Mr. Baba tries to remember the password to get out of the den and back down to Fifth Avenue.

TRUMP TOWER, New York -- U.S. President-elect Donald Trump met on Monday with Ali Baba, an Arabian woodcutter, who promised to bring one million "e-commerce" jobs to America.

Mr. Baba called the meeting "very productive." He said that farmers and clothing makers could tap foreign markets, such as e-shoppers from China, from out-of-the-way places like Indiana, which used to produce air conditioners. Spokesman Bob Christie said that each American company would have to add one employee each to fill out new federal export forms, resulting in the national total of one million.

The jobs proposal would have to go through the Senate Commerce Committee, shown here authoring some "earmarks."

Mr. Baba said he knew of a thieves' den that could be entered by simply uttering a "secret phrase." In the den, Mr. Baba said, there are myriad bags of gold coins that would cover the new jobs, with many bags left over for other national purposes, such as rebuilding the Navy while cutting business taxes in half.

Speaking from their own den, Democrats on Capitol Hill protested that federal job training would have to be set up first, along with a vast new entitlement program for anyone displaced by the changes.

Mr. Trump promised to implement the plan in the first 1001 nights of his Presidency.

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