UnNews:Pluto mission encounters a temper tantrum

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14 July 2015

Pluto and Sharon Charon.

BALTIMORE, Maryland -- NASA scientists fear their long-distance satellite mission to Pluto is in danger from a domestic dispute between the dwarf planet and its blonde-haired companion, "Cockney" Charon.

The New Horizons spacecraft is already encountering a lot of broken crockery, knives and floating lipstick as it gets closer to Pluto. Transmissions received are so blue and full of aggressive British English slang that scientists have had to mute their speakers at Mission Control in Maryland.

Mission Chief Scientist Alan Stern said the trip to Pluto had already thrown up a lot interesting new data, but that they were not expecting a couple of "Brits" this far out in space:

"It was only when we got closer that we started to pick up the accents," said Stern. "Then I heard: 'That's really hard for you to get your planetary surface around, isn't it? That two far distant celestial objects can love each other. That it's not just about taking what you can get, Pluto Mitchell....All right, Pluto, make it easier on yourself. I was using the Kuiper belt for sex.'"

Latest Pluto photo.

Stern adds that he later learned that this accent had come from a TV show called EastEnders. Then NASA had heard a lot of shouting and swearing from Pluto and things getting broken. That was when NASA killed the live microphone feed. Stern said that an idea the part of the Solar System was a "sleepy backwater" had been shown not to be true.

The increased amount of local debris indicates that the dispute was quite intense, but there have been no further transmissions from Pluto or Charon. NASA hopes this indicates that both are now in a deep-space sulk and will be quiet. So far, no far flung objects have hit New Horizons, but scientists said they will have to wait until tomorrow to see if their mission has been successful.

Sources[edit]

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