UnNews:Labour to scrap "non-dom" tax contraceptive

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8 April 2015

Balls dreams of tax without non-doms.

UK -- Shadow Chancellor, Ed Balls, has today announced that under a Labour government "non-doms" would be scrapped. "Non-dom" is short for "non-domicile" and is a tax status that allows wealthy people all the pleasure and happiness that comes from being rich without actually having to pay tax. "Its quite an ingenious tax contraceptive," explained Balls, "You simply slip it onto your tax status and then you can go round, willy-nilly, earning as much money as you want without having to expel some of that money into the hole in the government bank vault. However it simply isn't fair on those who don't have non-doms."

The Labour Party are hoping to make a big political thrust into the Conservatives from their anti-non-dom proposal. However the Conservatives have already hit back by promising to do more about the age restriction on internet porn. "Porn was the clear cause of the financial disaster," explained Conservative George Osborne, "If it wasn't for the fact that the banks employed 16 year olds on the basis of full A*s at GCSE, we wouldn't be in the mess we're in today. Once the 16 year olds had shown the porn websites to the 50 year old bankers there became only one incentive driving our economy."

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Political analysts have warned that if Labour scrap non-doms then the top wealthiest people could leave the country. This has already happened in France where no one uses a non-dom at all on their tax status and so the consequences of earning lots of money could be an unexpected burden on the family and the government turning up to clean up any money that went down a tax loop-hole by accident.

The Liberal Democrats have suggested that the best solution to tax evasion would not be to scrap non-doms but introduce morning after bills. These bills would arrive at a wealthy person's house the morning after they have committed tax evasion, reminding them that they shouldn't have done that and that the government would like the money to be paid to them instead. This policy has been backed by the Green Party who are keen to cut down on tax evasion. They also don't see any problem with not using a non-dom. "Tax is just natures way of stopping wealth inequality," explained Natalie Bennett.