UnNews:Job interviews more streamlined today

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14 January 2008

"Well Mr McTavverty, if you would like to show me your cock, the job is yours!"

IT SEEMS TO BE ONLY YESTERDAY when managers could "get to know" prospective staff before taking them on. The practice of asking for "sexual favours" in return for preferential treatment in the recruitment process was seen by many middle to senior managers to be a tried and tested way in using their position to "get their end away"

Unfortunately, in these days of mad political correctness gone mad these managers "cop a feel of an interviewees posterior" at their peril. Employers are being warned they could get into a "lot of trouble" if they even so much as complement a job applicant on their breasts, or even legs! Many bosses are being "severely reprimanded by do-gooding jobsworths" for seeking information about an interviewee which "may lead to an inappropriate sexual d'alliance".

One manager, who wishes to remain anonymous, was suspended after he innocently offered an receptionist job to a young lady in return for a blow job, "its the way I have done business for years. It saves me £1000s in prostitute fees and is a great way to break the ice so to speak."

"I REFUSE to be told by snot nosed do-gooding "holier than thou" jobsworths how to (and how not to) conduct my recruitment processes. Bloody shirt-lifting pooftahs the lot of em."

Advocate of the new approach to interview technique Sue Lezzer said: "Long gone are the days when a nervous interviewee had to perform a pole dance in order to be short-listed for a secretarial position."

"As employers can't judge a candidate's ability to do the job on their ability to perform fellatio, for example, they've no business asking for an applicant to perform these acts."

Hercule Todger, himself a manager of a glue factory, was dismissive of Ms Lezzer's view: "In years gone by people have been keen to establish not only if a new worker could do the job, but also whether they would be willing to perform sexual favours for their boss."

"It is a perfectly valid criteria which an employer can use. After all, who wants a hairy fat, smelly lesbian making their tea, taking their calls and wanking them off. I know that I most certainly don't thank you very much!"