UnNews:Jantjie offered UnNews editorship

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16 December 2013

Wikia headquarters hosts the Cabal, who offered the job to Mr. Jantjie.

WIKIA CITY, California -- Thamsanqa Jantjie has been offered the post of Editor-in-Chief of the respected UnNews service.

Jantjie is the happy-go-lucky prankster who translated U.S. President Obama's eulogy at the funeral of Nelson Mandela into "sign language." The supposed translation, according to a translator hired by Jay Leno for his late-night television show, had excerpts such as, "All of us here, cigarette, maybe, around, a couple of bicycles, together, so heartfelt. Help me, please." The Administration was critical of the performance, for upstaging Mr. Obama's prepared remarks in terms of their profundity.

By comparison, the Editorial Board of UnNews praised Mr. Jantjie for his cavalier treatment of real-world events and his incessant desire to entertain (when he isn't avoiding trial for burning a burglar to death through a court finding of mental incompetency). The Board made a quick and unattributable decision to offer Mr. Jantjie the editorial post, stating that Mr. Jantjie's ability to bypass the building's many metal detectors and X ray machines, which were not used on any of the funeral's attendees, and get within arm's length of Mr. Obama and other world leaders, will be equally vital to Mr. Jantjie's ability to write and edit UnNews articles.

Advocates for the hard-of-hearing were not bothered by the fakery. Nicole Du Toit, an official sign language interpreter, said the reason that all the President's speeches are signed is to show we care, not of course to try to communicate anything. "There are as few actual deaf people taking in an Obama speech as there are real handicapped people taking the good spots in front of Walmart," she said.

Nor did Mr. Obama seem perturbed by the ability of a self-described violent schizophrenic to get close enough to him to wring his neck. Mr. Obama commented, "If I had a son, he would look just like Thamsanqa."