UnNews:James Bond arrested
| Straight talk, from straight faces | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Wednesday, January 22, 2025, 04:25:59 (UTC) |
| James Bond arrested | 
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15 July 2022
LONDON, England -- British super-spy James Bond has been arrested after saving the day from a terrorist attack. Since his Licence to Kill was expired, he will now face murder charges.
"There were, like, three guys with guns," one onlooker reported. "And Bond comes in and he's, like, "This is just as bad as listening to The Beatles without earmuffs" and then he shoots them, saving me and my mate!"
Upon exiting King's Cross station, as the terrorists were planning on strapping a bomb on a train, Bond was met with cheers and applause from civilians, the media, and Metropolitan Police. The latter had to check his MI6 badge as per procedure in these types of events including Bond to make sure no supervillain somehow managed to clone or shapeshift into the spy known as 007. But this is when trouble arose, as Bond's Licence to Kill was expired — as he forgot to renew it last week after sunbathing with the world's hottest supermodels. The agent's boss was also not happy in today's turn of events:
  · Jun 15, 2022
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| We here at MI6 are very disappointed in Agent 007, but also thank him for saving thousands of people today. |
Since the three terrorists never actually fired a round at Bond, he can not plead self-defence. However, the judge has lowered Bond's sentence from Killing without a Licence to three counts of manslaughter, considering the super-spy's clean criminal record, which surprisingly does not even include a single speeding fine. Bond is now facing up to six years of prison time. In the meantime, teenage British spy Alex Rider will take the mantle of "007" despite these new missions being much more dangerous than the ones he has been sent on before.
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |