UnNews:Irand demands heavier sanctions

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5 March 2010

Iran’s president pictured at the UN Assembly yesterday demanding heavier sanctions.

UNITED NATIONS, New York -- Unnews has just been informed of an outlandish case of lunacy. Yesterday, in the United Nations General Assembly, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Pro. A'm-aa-damn-juurk) became so belligerent that he removed one of his sandals and began thumping the filthy thing on top of the table, next to his microphone, which only amplified the ‘whaap whaap!’ sound.

President Ahmadinejad, while skirting around the issue of holocaust denial, was adamant in demanding that the UN impose even stronger and more severe sanctions on his God-blessed country.

AFP reported, in part, that Ahmadinejad was quoted as saying, “Death to you infidel holocaust believers. But I won’t even discuss such nonsense. The holocaust was said to have happened before my birth. And if it didn’t happen during MY life, then what does it matter anyway? True or false, it is irrelevant!”

President Ahmadinejad continued, “A holocaust which never happened in my entire life means nothing. But what is of paramount importance is your imposing more severe and mind-numbing sanctions against my nation of Islam.

“The stronger the sanctions, the more our people suffer. And the more they suffer the angrier they get. And I want my people to become so angry, like wild dogs, in defending Islam from you infidel 'Petro-Pimps.'”

At this, King Juan Carlos challenged Ahmadinejad, "Ha! So if WE'RE PIMPS, then YOU'RE THE WHORE!" - causing the entire Assembly to laugh - which made Ahmadinejad bang his sandal even harder on the table.

Ahmadinejad continued his rant, saying, “With more severe sanctions our Supreme Council gets angry too. And when angry the council instructs me to speed up the construction of a nuclear bomb capable of destroying not just Israel, but the entire Western world. And that is my goal, as I have stated many times. So, I demand stronger sanctions be imposed!” – Ahmadinejad shouted, as he beat his sandal on the table, before finally being told to “Shut up and sit down!", by King Juan Carlos of Spain.

UnNews will keep you up dated on the out-come of the outburst as details come in up to the micro-second…


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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.