Welcome to the Mother Ship of amateur comedy writing! (Amateur means we don't pay you to do it.)
This is where the original Uncyclopedia wound up. You might as well pick a user name. We have no "partners" that want to sell you stuff. Giving your email simply lets you recover your password; we don't send spam. Uncyclopedians get a talk page, private edit area, and a welcome, maybe, if you actually edit; and we won't de-platform you for your views, if they're funny.
UnNews:Illinois driver accused of hit-and-run with tree
| The news outlet with approval higher than Congress | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Monday, March 31, 2025, 20:27:59 (UTC) |
| Illinois driver accused of hit-and-run with tree | 
|
11 February 2011
CHICAGO, Illinois -- Proving that truth is stranger than fiction and occasionally funnier, a Yorkville man has been arrested and ticketed for a hit-and-run accident. The victim was a local 39 year old tree.
According to the Kane County sheriff's office, an officer dispatched to an accident scene at Fox and High Point roads about 10:51 p.m. Wednesday night found a badly damaged car, a tree in shock, and no driver. The tree was alive and badly shaken, but the driver had disappeared.
When contacted, the owner of the car told police he was driving westbound, lost control, passed a stop sign, drove through the intersection, hit the tree, got out of his car and went home.” He then asked the police if there was anything wrong, as he couldn’t see what all the fuss was about.
Bryan Duselski, 32, told the deputy he hadn't been hurt and didn't report the accident, nor exchange papers with the victim, because he thought he was Polish and he believed Poles were exempted from American laws. He figured that he didn't have to do anything, police said in the accident report.
Duselski was taken into custody "for hit-and-run," the report said, and ticketed for disobeying a stop sign, failure to reduce speed to avoid an accident, leaving the scene of an accident, failing to report an accident, failing to give information after striking property, failure to apologize and showing disrespect to a friendly tree, and finally, for being a total idiot.
A spokesperson from the Kane County sheriff's office told the media, “Yes, there actually is a law against stupidity – and this guy was caught red-handed.”
Sources[edit]
- Staff "Illinois Driver Accused of Hit-and-Run With Tree". Chicago Tribune, Feb 11, 2011