UnNews:Holy Family arrested at the border

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Straight talk, from straight faces UnNews Tuesday, June 18, 2024, 05:48:59 (UTC)

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20 June 2018

The poster that led to the arrest of the Holy Family. Money and a chariot are a strong incentive to be patriotic.

ALEXANDRIA, Egypt, Roman EmpireImperial Roman authorities have confirmed they have arrested a notorious terrorist cell known as the Holy Family as they tried to cross into Egypt. The criminals known as 'Mary', 'Joseph', and 'Jesus' were caught with a mule, the same type used by drug smugglers in Arabia - as they queued to cross the frontier at Gaza.

The border cohort separated Jesus from his parents as they 'were convinced the little brat was an alien' and have sent him to the salt mines. Mary and Joseph will be sent back to Judea where both are on Herod the Great's wanted list. They have claimed they fled a notorious child killer. But King Herod is a respected ally of Rome and receives arms and financial support directly from Emperor Donaldtrumpius. Respected historian Josephus confirmed the emperor's skepticism and said the 'massacre' was 'Fake New Testament'.

Magistrate Jeffus B. Sessionus

Rome's senior legal representative and expert on examining entrails, Jeffus 'Magoo' Sessionus, said he supported the border officials in Egypt. He said their actions would save everyone from the Holy Family gang - also known as the 'AD-1' extremists.

Fake New Testament

I warned everyone that if they tried to cross into the Roman Empire without permission, we would deal with them using the full force of our law, said Sessionus. If we are merciful, you will be sent to the galleys. If we think you've been bad, a place will be reserved for you to appear as entertainment in the Colosseum.

The Roman Empire has recently embarked on a vigorous course of frontier protection. Emperor Donaltrumpius has promised a wall in Britannia, a big ditch in Germania, and a zone of devastation along the Syria - Iraq border.