UnNews:Gingers start race-war on normal people

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14 May 2015

Gingers ready themselves for an ethnic cleansing assult on the Southern English black-hairds, (after putting on plenty of sunblock).

GLASGOW, Scotland-- Security forces are on high alert throughout the UK as ginger-haired extremists have declared a race-war on “normal” people. Glasgow-based ginger supremacist bootcamps have been training thousands of terracotta-tops for a civil war with southern black-hairs.

In a secret location at the Glasgow Welcome Break services just off junction 13 of the M74, the fiery-haired supremacist movement has been training thousands of red-heads to fight for a separatist Ginger State. Known as the “Campaign Against Repressing Russets On Top (CARROT)”, the far-right organization has been pushing hazel-topped guerillas to their physical and mental limits with assault courses, ruthless antagonizing and hairdressing tips.

Leader James Hewitt has also been making plans to assassinate Prince Charles, in a bid to make brick-headed Prince Harry the King of England. Hewitt believes putting a ginger on the throne will be a giant leap towards freedom of the follicle-tormented minority, and will get him back on the guest list of Buckingham Palace garden parties again — events he stopped getting invited to shortly after Harry was born.

It’s no secret that top line gingers took a hammering in the General Election, with the loss of Nick Clegg, Danny Alexander and Charles Kennedy. Hewitt is adamant England does not now represent the best interests of the rusty population, despite having a “token ginger” in Labour Leader Harriet Harman.

When questioned about her stance on gingers, the tawny-haired Harman was quick to point out that she was actually a strawberry blonde before stating that if Labour ever get into Westminster, they would consider more powers for the copper-topped populace.

Hewitt, however, believes the ginger population is being suppressed in the London halls-of-office by a group of evil dark-haired, dark eyed ministers that have no interest in the plight of copper-capped, white skinned people north of the border. The CARROTs are busy converting a victimized, burnt-sienna minority, to a fully transformed military terrorist organization, ready to strike at the very roots of the bigoted, tyrannical Norman rulers of the black-haired Caucasian race.”

Supported by the SNP, the CARROTs are also determined not to be tarred with the generic “redheads are always a bit stroppy” brush. Hewitt says they are a serious force, styled on a blend of Anders Breivik and Ed Sheeran.

Hewitt summarized: “Not many know that shoving a bit of fresh ginger up a near-dead horse’s rear end will perk it up enough to sell on. This is also true for humans, including the Royal Family. Putting Prince Harry on the throne will be a great day for the Carrots cause, and the rest of the nutty-headed minority of the United Kingdom. And his daddy would be very proud of course…erm… whoever that is.”

Sources[edit]

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