UnNews:Farron to fund NHS by selling cannabis

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, December 22, 2024, 03:29:59 (UTC)
Farron to fund NHS by selling cannabis UnNews Logo Potato.png

9 May 2017

Farron on his way out for a toke after a recent live debate.

London, UK -- Liberal Democrats' leader Tim Farron has pledged to legalise cannabis, should they come to power, and sell it through publicly funded, 'sixties-style drug dens.

Farron told a BBC reporter he is a keen supporter in the fight against mental health problems, and that taxing drugs is the key to funding mental health services within NHS: "Every ounce of cannabis sold to every Tom, Dick and Harry will go towards helping the mentally ill of our country."

Farron conceded that cannabis is the leading cause of mental health issues in the UK, but said: "With this new taxation in place, we'll have the money to support them when they become mentally ill. We're also pledging to allow every student to grow their own hashish for personal consumption." The pledge to students might begin to counteract the decline in support for the Lib Dems since they backtracked on their last key pledge during the coalition government in 2010.

It was not reefer that turned Lord Kinnock purple.

Speaking on the BBC's Daily Politics, ex Labour MP Lord Kinnock wasn't impressed with the announcement: "Are they suggesting that legalising drugs will solve the health issues? If so, why bother taxing them in the first place? In fact, how do you tax drugs that aren't even sold but grown at home? If you ask me, it sounds like he's been smoking them funny cigarettes himself!"

The Lib Dems have been promising to raise funds for the NHS for years. Their 2012 manifesto pledged to raise £2bn by increasing capital gains tax and abolishing the shares-for-rights scheme. After that bombed, they tried something different in 2017: Pledging to to raise funds for the NHS by raising the income tax.

Not everyone is impressed. David Dimbleby, host of the BBC's Question Time, asked UKIP MEP Paul Nuttall for his view on Farron's latest pledge. Nuttall said: "Looks like the Lib Dems are obsessed with raising money for mental health services. Perhaps they've developed some kind of collective mental illness from working with the Conservatives for five years. All the pot in the world can't alleviate the pain of being so unpopular."

The new Liberal Democrat manifesto due out in June will feature a marijuana plant on the cover to cater to the "green" vote, and its pages will double as Rizla-endorsed rolling papers.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Farron_to_fund_NHS_by_selling_cannabis&oldid=5982012"