UnNews:Ebola contained by Doctors With Borders

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18 August 2014

Ebola viewed under a toy microscope.

PARIS, France — The spread of Ebola is blocked, according to an international common-sense think tank called Doctors With Borders. The chief of the French-founded group, known in French as Médecins assez intelligents pour sceller les frontières (Doctors who are smart enough to seal borders), Joanne Liu, who spent her entire life avoiding Africa, has said at a press conference: "Ebola is deteriorating as it decimates the people within whose borders it is contained, and it then goes on to kill itself when no one is left," she told reporters. "It is self destructing,” Liu snickered. "It's trying to escape, but we have it contained in a Plastic Curtain encircling the entire Ebola area.”

She gave as a good example a 400-bed treatment center in Paris where no Ebola patients are being cared for. “This is because allowing Ebola in such facilities, or even into France, or anywhere, is out-of-the-question!” Liu said. "With the Ebola border stopping any out-flux of patients from the bordered area, we’ve now isolated all the infected people in Ebola land. And in that bordered area everybody is infected,” she said. “Even the Ebola itself is infected with Ebola.”

The new Secretary General of the International Federation of Red Cross (IFRC), Dr. As Sy, who has also avoided traveling to the Ebola region, said in a Friday statement that “reinforcing fears, ignorance and hog wash surrounding the disease in the African communities is a major factor in maintaining the plastic borders.” As Sy said it was also “particularly important to stop all health care workers in the affected areas from leaving as well. Any one who enters is stuck until they die of Ebola.”

Sierra Leone's president, Ernest Bai, who lives in a disinfected bunker near Paris, told journalists Friday that his country has lost several moronic doctors and nurses in Ebola land, never to return. “We don’t need more suicidal doctors! We need specialized expertise in reinforcing borders, and that is why we are appealing to the international community for an enhanced blockade,” he said.

So far nearly seven billion people have avoided dying of Ebola simply by staying away from Africa all together, according to Doctors With Borders. “It is the cursed gang, Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders), who are hell-bent on spreading the disease. They must be stopped from their diabolical schemes!” concluded As Sy.

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