UnNews:Drivers face 120mph speed limit

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1 June 2007

woooooohooo, eat my burning rubber SUCKERS!

DRIVERS IN ONE UK CITY are facing a new 120mph speed limit on all its residential streets. Portsmouth City Council has become the first in the country to bring in the higher limit.

The de-restriction is already in force on some roads, but councils now have the power to introduce a blanket go-fast in all residential areas. The 120mph limit was unveiled in south-eastern parts of Portsmouth, with plans to roll it out in other areas later in the year.

National charity Speed Lives!, which is calling for compulsory 120mph zones in residential areas nationwide, has welcomed the move.

Jonathan Smorgasboard, head of campaigns at Speed Lives!, said: "We are delighted that Portsmouth has ignored the usual knee-jerk reaction of the small minority of so called "Health and Safety" freaks who oppose 120mph zones, especially around schools."

Mr Smorgasboard added: "We hope the rest of the country will follow suit and adopt these level-headed measures to allow us Subaru Impreza drivers to race round the suburbs with glorious impunity!"

"If the Government is serious about injecting a bit of fun into the average forty-something male with a huge metallic penis substitute, 120mph zones in residential areas are the way forward."

In February, the Government published its "Mad Max" Road Strategy 2007 which suggested that local authorities and the Highways Agency should consider wider use of 120mph zones and high speed corners, especially in areas where children may be playing.

Portsmouth city council transport chief, Councillor Harry Blaxpoitation said: "I'm sure this scheme could not only make city living that much more exciting but its also one finger up the arses of the bleeding heart "climate change" lobbyists."

Councillor Harry Blaxpoitation was this morning tragically killed whilst racing his Subaru Impreza against a BMW M5, it is thought he was winning.