UnNews:Divine image found in man’s testicle

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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard UnNews Sunday, May 26, 2024, 02:53:59 (UTC)

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5 November 2011

Oh Jesus! Blessed art thou amongst benign tumours.

ONTARIO, Canada -- Canadian doctors, whom upon ogling a two year old ultrasound of a man’s testicle, were surprised to find the image of a man’s face grimaced in agony.

A scientific journal stated that the man connected to the testicle in question was admitted to hospital with severe pain and an inflamed scrotum. An ultrasound was then taken with an aptly titled Siemens Ultrasound-o-matic and conveniently left in a drawer for several years.

Upon rediscovery, it was unanimously decided by the Doctors that the image was none other than the pained facial image of Jesus being nailed to the cross. This news is expected to please Jewish groups who have believed for centuries that the story of Jesus is a complete load of bollocks.

Although religious imagery has developed a habit of appearing on common food items such as toast and three cheese pizzas, this is believed to be the first time Jesus has decided to bless someone’s left nut with his holy manifestation. Many religious observers have attributed this phenomenom to people's excessive use of the Lord’s name in vain, specifically when someone takes a hit directly to their meat and two veg. Sceptics remain sceptical however, with the editor of the Sceptics society, Michael Sherman, bluntly stating, “We remain sceptical.”

The owner/operator of the sacred bean was forced to hose down speculation regarding his sacred equipment when confronted by soon to be disappointed pious believers, simply stating “Oh, there must be some sort of misunderstanding, that’s not an image of Jesus, that’s just my next door neighbour Steve.”