UnNews:Disgraced duke to be drownedeth in wine barrel
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| Disgraced duke to be drownedeth in wine barrel | 
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20 February 2022
LONDON, Merrie England -- The Queen's second son Prince Andrew, Duke of Yorke, Count of Paedo and Lord of Procurement hath been condemned to death for 'crimes against the realm'. In a most privee triall in the Tower of London Prince Andrew's many misdeeds were listed by his elder brother Prince Charles. They included trying to get the Queene to disinherit Charles from the throne on the grounds of adultery, lunacy and being very ugly. His said heirs were therefore conceived in Sinne. Prince Andrew was not present for his trial as the foul stenche of his evil lies would displeaseth her royal highness ('Mummy').
The trial lasted one day and the full verdict was delivered by the Queene at a late hour. The ex-royal would be spared the full public humiliation of a ticket-only beheading behind tall walls. Instead the said villian would be drowned in a barrel of French wine. The condemned would only be shown limited mercy that he was free to choose which vintage to drown in.
England's peasant classes were said to be 'disappointed' that Andrew's execution would be in private. They were hoping for the full treason punishment of dragging, hanging, castration, disembowling and quartering which is the usual punishment for this crime.
Update: The Queen has said she intendeth to exercise mercy on her son and merely banish him to the Falklands.
Sources[edit]
- Staff "Duke of York needs money to pay settlement". The Mirror, February 20, 2022