UnNews:Brown to Britain: No greens, then no dessert

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Straight talk, from straight faces UnNews Friday, December 3, 2021, 18:43:59 (UTC)

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7 July 2008

Brown showing strong leadership by getting stuck in to a tasty kebab

London, England - British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has announced a raft of new measures designed to stop Britons wasting food. Chief among the proposals is "withholding dessert from anyone who won't eat their greens".

"I don't like implementing this measure any more than the country does" insisted Brown, "but how will it ever grow up big and strong if it won't even finish its plate?"

Brown was quick to blame Celebrity Chefs and the rise of so-called 'proper cooking' for the crisis. "Since celebrity chefs have started teaching people how to cook, the bland British meal has been on the wane, with the result that the Great British Public will no longer eat any old thing that has been boiled for 5 hours until the water's grey" he said.

Britons need to re-discover ways to use up all the unwanted food products that they have become accustomed to throwing away, before inflating food prices have a catastrophic effect on the world economy. Which could mean that the unlikely saviour of international monetary security is the late-night kebab.

"The popularity of the greasy kebab does show that there is still hope" agrees Brown. "If people can be made to eat one of those voluntarily, tucking in to a ready meal that's a week past its sell-by should be no problem".