UnNews:Best Buy employee allegedly outs former teacher

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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? UnNews Thursday, December 2, 2021, 07:14:59 (UTC)

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5 May 2012

Winkler asserts he is not gay.

DENVER, Colorado -- Leaving a laptop unattended among friends can mean opening yourself up to being messed with in the form of ridiculous status updates, tweets, texts, or Uncyclopedia articles. Still, one would think that leaving a laptop in the hands of a Best Buy employee would safeguard a person from such pranks, but not so, says Colorado customer Francis Winkler.

ABC7 News Denver is reporting that Winkler dropped his laptop off at Best Buy for a repair and that, when it couldn't be fixed, he was given a new one. But at some point in the transition from the old laptop -- which was logged into Uncyclopedia -- and the new one, an article had been written under Winkler's name that said:

i, mr francis winkler, am gay. i am the worst english teacher EVER I suxs. I gave a student of mine an F!!! five years ago because he didn't read some gay book. Even though he allejez it wasnt his fault. I dot like myself and niobody does because i am gay and stupid and ugly and retarded and fat. i wish i will gats firedfrom my job and go to the moon or a gay retared place. I am GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! I IS THE WORST PERSON EVER. I AM SO BAD. I HOPE I GET SOME SICK. (sic)

"I have dealt with this person before. He used to be one of my students," Winkler says. "Obviously, not one of my best students. Then he pulls this little prank on me! The phone just started ringing constantly after that, from my ex-spouse (who is female, by the way) to friends to students, former students, the lunch ladies, the teachers union, the principal, and the superintendent." He added that he had to tell people he hasn't seen in years that he is not gay.

"I feel I've been humiliated, you know, I mean, my reputation has been tarnished," he said.

Winkler told ABC7 News that Best Buy assured him that the employee had since been "firedfrom his job" and had gone "to the moon or a gay retared place," and that he had come down with the flu, but the teacher's still considering taking legal action against the retailer. Best Buy issued the following statement to ABC7 News in response to the incident:

"Each year, every employee of Best Buy is asked to review and sign our Code of Ethics, which includes details on how they are expected to handle customer information. Unfortunately, this guy couldn't even spell his own name, and his cursive was atrocious. His behavior will not be tolerated."

The Consumerist had an additional suggestion for the retailer: "This is why I shop at Wal-Mart. This is also why CISPA is a bad idea."