UnNews:Badgers Declare Unconditional War With Nyan Cat

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Straight talk, from straight faces UnNews Thursday, December 2, 2021, 07:24:59 (UTC)

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15 February 2012

Several innocent passers-by have been injured in the scuffle.

Cyberwebs, Internet -- Badger Badger, spokesbadger for the badgers, mushrooms and snake corporation responsible for the safety of us all, has issued the sternest statement yet about the unchecked ambitions of Nyan Cat. "The unstoppable feline must be stopped," emphasized Badger Badger, known as "Badger" to his closest facebook friends, "before the pixels reach a level of military sophistication that could upset the delicate balance of power on the webz. Thus, we will strike Nyan Cat, by releasing "Nyan Cat Espisode II: Attack of the Badgers Badgers Badgers" and turn Nyan Cat to the badger side using vector graphics."

Nyan Cat was quick to respond with a never-ending stream of meows set to some kind of insane music while flying recklessly through space, exactly the kind of activity the badgers have been warning us about for years. "Traditionally, in this situation we would regard mushrooms until a snake comes along, but we cannot just dance around any longer knowing that at any minute, Nyan Cat may achieve critical mass. We must act now." announced a more solemn badger whose nametag was obscured by another badger. Then there was a snake.


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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.