UnNews:Arms cache found, linked to known Blair ally

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We have met the enemy, and he is us ✪ UnNews ✪ Monday, December 30, 2024, 18:35:59 (UTC)
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21 May 2007

Whitehall, LONDON -- An arms cache was seized from an

Not in the picture are lifesize cardboard cutouts of Tony Blair and blowup dolls of his first cabinet.

unmarked basement in St James's Park last night after an anonymous tip-off to metropolitan police. Due to material found at the site suspects had been detained over night for questioning, primarily concerning the ownership and possible usage of the weapons, which included anti-tank mines, morter rounds, at least 343kg of explosives and at least 23kg of a D:ream single called Things can only get better. Worryingly, videotapes of the 1997 general election with manifesto and copies of Coups for Dummies were found in the basement, along with various supplies that look as though they could be useful in the event of an armed conflict. 

                             MANDELSON

Under interrogation, suspects inadvertently revealed that the weapon stash was linked to none other than Amir Mandelson, a radical Blairite cleric in exile currently dwelling somewhere in the western European continent.

Mandelson points upwards during his 'sky is falling' speech.

Though Mandelson and the outgoing PM had a well known past together in the creation of New Labour, it is unknown as to whether they still share a common ideological kinship . Blair, despite his apparent departure within less than two months, will never be able to tolerate an insinuation of a bond as this will destroy something only he is aware of, called The Legacy - indeed, together with Mandelson's recent comments that "New Labour cannot be allowed to fall to the infidel Brown and the munafik Prescott" and the recovery of the cache, The Legacy could prove to be in grave danger if these events around fringe Blairites are linked to the Prime Minister himself. David Cameronile, opposition Blairlite, has noted that "Any link could potentially implicate Blair in the backing of an armed coup to keep him in power". This has been dismissed by most as Wilde speculation however.

Blair denies any possible thread leading from the cache to himself as 'phantasmagoria'.
                       TERROR

Responding to these allegations in a press conferance from an undisclosed location, the cleric said that he could not recall that particular arms dump, and called upon the last remaining Blairites in greater London to stage a series of violent protests to let Gordon Brown know that the "last punch has yet to be pulled", adding "the Brownite kafirs think they will win on July 27 by the disposal of our Mufti Blair, war be upon him, but only they are deceived, them and their lapdog troll militia." The explosive content of the statement has forced Tony Blair into firmly denying any knowledge of the St James's arms smuggling ring. Brown has also distanced himself from the more

Blairites attack UnNews HQ London with homemade rubber chickens.

extreme comments of his supporters by raising taxes. 

                       FANATICS

As a result of this article, Blairite fanatics are now staging multiple protests across Lambeth and Islington.

Enranged Blairites take to the streets of Islington.

Riot police have been deployed to stop and Brownite-Blairite factional clashes, though the political turmoil cannot be extinguished so easily. As if to prove this, Blairite extremists are assaulting UnNews HQ London with roses, rocks, and marble busts of Tony Blair.

Sources[edit]

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