UnNews:Amazon boss denies he is a "slave-driver"

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Where man always bites dog UnNews Tuesday, November 30, 2021, 15:00:59 (UTC)

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18 August 2015

Shift changeover at Amazon

SEATTLE, Washington -- Amazon owner Jeff Bezos denies he is "running a slave ship" in recent controversies about the working practices at his company's offices and warehouses. Following criticisms from every newspaper and news outlet — except the Washington Post (owner:J.Bezos) — that Amazon treats its workforce like serfs, Bezos says this is a big fat lie cooked up by "failed" rivals.

Bezos, who started Amazon as a garage sale back in the early 1990s, says those who work for Amazon have "never complained to my face." He went on:

"Of course, we want to be a successful company — That's business. We do run a tight ship here, but everyone is free to go, though we will legally compel repayment of our investment in you. Amazon is no different from Apple or Google, in reality. Those companies may want to give you the false impression that it is 'cool' to work for them, but at Amazon we follow a different path. A shining path. I am a born-again Buddhist, so I fully subscribe: If you are working for us it is because of what you did in a previous life."

Amazon boss Jeff Bezos. "Not borderline insane."

Amazon's work practices include forcing everyone to work 80 hours a day. If you met a logjam because someone has failed you on the production line of orders, you are required to provide a digital diary showing them slacking. And if you meet a "brick wall," all Amazon employees are expected to scale those obstacles without ropes or safety nets.

Bezos denies he is driven or borderline insane, saying that all those "with the spark" have been called crazy or nutters in the past. But he says Amazon will deal with employee dissatisfaction through a process he describes as Darwinism:

"Once we get our drone deliveries up and running, I am hoping we can then switch all human involvement in the business process by building our own Amazon cyborgs. That will be the future and I hope to undergo the process myself before I start soiling my own pants."