UnNews:Ahmadinejad oversleeps, forgets to destroy world
|Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?||✪||UnNews||✪||Tuesday, November 30, 2021, 17:29:UTC)(|
|Ahmadinejad oversleeps, forgets to destroy world|
22 August 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Ahmadinejad had planned on waking up before dawn in order to get an early start on engulfing the entire planet in flames, but a faulty alarm clock let him sleep well past noon. In the ensuing grogginess brought on by over-sleeping, the world leader completely forgot to carry out the day's plans and ended up watching cricket on television.
"I completely forgot," laments Ahmadinejad. "The Supreme Leader called about 7:30 in the evening and was very pissed, but by then it was too late."
According to Islamic tradition, John Candy is supposed to return to earth on the same day that the Cubs last won the World Series. That day, the 14th day of the month Ramalamadingdong in the Islamic Calendar, is August 22 in 2006.
In order to hasten the coming of John Candy, Ahmadinejad planned to start a water-balloon fight with Ehud Olmert and thereby recreate the conditions of Candy's departure. Such a water-balloon fight would soon escalate into nuclear war, and all of the nations of the earth would be destroyed.
Still, President Ahmadinejad remains optimistic.