UnNews:4th of July celebrates birth of Chris Hansen

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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out ✪ UnNews ✪ Saturday, April 20, 2024, 10:16:59 (UTC)
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4 July 2008

Washington, DC While we may all enjoy the three day weekend, perhaps we should reflect on the true meaning of the 4th of July.

His eyes glow red. Red with glory.

After all, it isn't just an excuse to barbecue or sleep late. No, this holiday has a meaning all Americans should hold deep within their hearts and cherish.

The Fourth celebrates the birth of Predator-catcher Chris Hansen.

MSNBC is in the full Chris Hansen spirit by running a marathon of To Catch a Predator, including some never-before-seen episodes. "We just thought there was no better way to celebrate this wonderful holiday than with an homage to Chris himself," said MSNBC Programming Chief Mark Phillips. "It is today that we thank Chris Hansen for all his efforts in Predator eradication." While some Americans have not yet embraced the true meaning of this holiday, others have gotten into the full spirit.

"I'm planning on spending every waking hour watching MSNBC," said Plano, TX resident Dale Evars. "When so many commercial outlets lose sight of the meaning of the Fourth, it's good to see that MSNBC has its priorities straight." Other broadcast outlets are scrambling to show that they are patriotic, too, as the Sci Fi channel is running a marathon of a newly minted show, The Predator Zone. But MSNBC has the upper hand, and is looking at a Nielsen ratings bonanza.

The MSNBC website extols Americans to "grab a hot-dog" and sit down to watch some of their favorite episodes, like that one with the rabbi. "Hansen gets this one day of the year to get the respect he deserves," said Phillips. "The least you can do, as patriotic Americans, is watch a few episodes."

So, on this hot summer day, it's easy to lose sight of what this holiday stands for. Now, America, take a seat please, and give Mr. Hansen some deserving respect. And have a wonderful Fourth.


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