UnDebate:Is it the size of the ship or the motion in the ocean?

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This article should bring any enthusiast to at least half mast.
All aboard! Probably not her maiden voyage, but whatever.

Background and context[edit]

You might not like to imagine it, but people all around the world and indeed throughout history, have gone in for a bit of rolling in the deep. Your mother and father did it. Your grandmother and grandfather did it. Your great-grandmother and great-grandfather did not. There was a brief period in the 19th century where people just used to send telegrams.

The point is, ships come in all shapes and sizes, and there is hot debate as to the advantages and disadvantages of bigger and smaller boats. Does size matter? Or is what you do with it what counts?

Are big or small ships the more aesthetically pleasing?[edit]

Size of the ship defendants[edit]

Big ones, especially those helmed by pirates and the like, can strike the fear of God into you.

Long and imposing, with ominous black masts, their attraction reflects humans' ambiguous attitude towards riding the waves: in theory it should be a pleasant voyage, an agreeable bit of back and forth, but for many of us, there is an allure of the forbidden. Not of going with the flow, but rather being taken. Swept away. Drunk and giddy on rum, on your knees deep in the bowels. Of the ship.

Once you've been on a big one, it's hard to go back.

Motion in the ocean defendants[edit]

Not everyone likes badboy pirates, and many passengers would decline the opportunity to ride on a big vessel.

The thrill of some kind of foray into virgin territory is one thing, but we all know what the reality is: anyone riding a renegade 60 footer could quickly find themselves undone.

What we offer, with our small boats, is romanticism. There's a gentleness to our movements - we don't tear through the sea, rather we bob along on top. And who doesn't like bobbing? And while we can never claim to be imposing like a big one - no one ever looked at a small boat's prow and said, "Jesus, that thing could split me in two," - there is something our supporters take from the sight of us making our way through the waves. It's almost pathetic, but at the same time, we have survived all this time, and there's something endearing about the fact we have managed to stay buoyant.

Some of the smaller models have a cutesy kind of charm.

What about delicate female passengers?[edit]

Size of the ship defendants[edit]

While Fergie has never cried, she has been known to weep.

Ahhhh! You got me there! But as Fergie once said, big girls don't cry.

So, it depends on the girl. It has to be said, for many female passengers, being out on the poop deck is too much for them, and they end up whimpering and vomiting on their knees. Having said that, you get the odd girl like Kate Winslet who'll spend the entire voyage taking the full brunt of the ship's thrusts, spread eagled on the bow like a masthead.

Motion in the ocean defendants[edit]

Overseas travelers should always remember they maybe have to pay unexpected tariffs on imports.

We don't like it when our female passengers cry and complain. We pride ourselves on bringing them all the way to their destination and we get them there in one piece.

The bigger vessels might be able to tear through the depths with terrifying speed, but you will find a lot of female passengers would not be very taken with that. What they find much more to their taste is to sit aloft a little tugboat and feel nature's gentle movements underneath them.

Who packs the biggest load?[edit]

Size of the ship defendants[edit]

Big tankers tend to favor designated areas for off-loading.

It's ridiculous to even debate this one. The big boats pack the biggest load, and a true captain will even be happy to betray his boys for the chance of delivering a big package to the right passenger.

If you have to ask, you've obviously never seen one of our captains toss one of his crew off the side. I've seen many a maiden cover her face with her hands as one of our crew had to "walk the plank".

Aside from that, it's just simple physics. The bigger the boat, the bigger the load. I've never seen a small boat offload anything that would make a warship's captain blink twice. It wouldn't look right either, it'd be like watching 40 people climb out of a taxi cab.

Motion in the ocean defendants[edit]

Stuff and nonsense. There is no correlation between the size of the ship and the amount of cargo it is loaded with.

If you like it heavy, we can get heavy.

It may be true that tankers go around with the most cargo, and when they empty their load it is a fearsome sight, but there are plenty of big ships out there which look like they're packing but aren't. And as for the right honorable gentleman's argument, that big boats' captains are so ruthless that they will throw their members over the side, I ask one question: who wants a sea full of discharged seamen?

Furthermore, many passengers don't have any interest in cargo, or they certainly don't want to see it. Call us old fashioned, but we think the ship's load should stay out of sight, instead of being in the passenger's face the whole time.

How long does the voyage last?[edit]

Size of the ship defendants[edit]

This ain't the coxless fours sweetheart.

There is no greater thrill than riding a big frigate through stormy waters. You won't even notice how long it lasts.

Big ships are designed for one thing, to get you where you want to go ASAP. By the time we send you off running home through the docks, you'll have felt the earth move, we can promise you. Better a thrilling ride with us than some interminable trip in a dinghy that goes on and on like a session with Sting.

Motion in the ocean defendants[edit]

When faced with the possibility of riding a small boat, there is always the possibility of calling on a second man to get involved.

This is where small boats shine. We take ages and ages.

For all those souls out there who feel a little queasy being dragged through the night on some big horrible schooner by a captain who doesn't know what he is doing, come and see a chap with a small boat, and we will take it nice and easy, just a wave at a time, baby.

Can I be the judge of this?[edit]

Size of the ship defendants[edit]

All aboard, bitch!

Titanic sex hand.jpg

Hope you haven't had your hair done lately, cos it's about to get fucked up.

Motion in the ocean defendants[edit]

Sure. Just one thing

Boat man.jpg

I'm going to show the boat, and you know, obviously, it's not that big, but you will enjoy yourself I'm sure. Just don't laugh or anything, otherwise we'll never get it out into the wet stuff.