UnBooks:In Pursuit of Parsnips: An Exercise in Political Folklore

In Pursuit of Parsnips: an Exercise in Political Folklore was published in 1931 by Rupert Hanson's Triphobic Gazette, a then popular Dutch magazine printed in Outer Manchuria for distribution in Argentina, as part of a series on the effect radicalism had on children's literature. Written by renowned economist Milton Berle, it was edited by Francis Drake, abridged by Alexander Kerensky, used as toilet paper by Emma Goldman, recycled by Chuck Berry, and approved by Ramses IV and Joan of Arc, the article enjoyed moderate success. Much praised was its use of acid-free paper with neo-druidic marks along the borders. It was republished in 1968 in comic book form.

Preface

Political radicalism is an evil of evils. Whether you be a Bensonite or follower of Ouroboros, the tactics for proving your political point remain by and large the same. And radicalistic, hence the term political radicalisticism radicalism.

Thesis and Argument

Milton Berle's thesis was that political radicalism led to subtle changes in the focus of classic folklore and more so in the case of fairy tales. To prove his point Berle compared several traditional tales in their Marxist, Fascist, and Liberal forms. As Berle observed,

...It is a trait in all cultures to begin their tales with variants of "Once Upon a Time". This holds true whether one is in Asia, Europe, Africa, or the Americas. Australia is an exception. Too many sheep...

In the first tale analyzed, that of "Snow White", differences at once became apparent. While both the Fascist and Liberal versions deviated but little from the standard words, the Marxist version used instead the line "Before the Revolution". Summaries of the three are as follows.

Marxist

Before the Revolution... there lived a cruel, oppressive queen hated by the masses. She had a stepdaughter name Snow White who worked on behalf of the proletariat. The wicked queen hated Snow White and sent her out to be killed by a fascist soldier. The fascist, however, was moved by Snow White's fervor for the Great Cause and let her go. Snow White then wandered until she found an autonomous collective where seven dwarven Party members took her in. Later the wicked queen learned that Snow White lived and went in disguise and killed her. When the dwarves found her body they put it in a shrine dedicated to the workers. After some time a brave worker came and kissed her. This brought Snow White back to life and together they led a revolution which toppled the wicked queen's dictatorship.

Fascist

A long time ago... there was a communist government whose leader had a stepdaughter named Snow White. Snow White spent her time with brave veterans and war heroes, learning from their patriotism. The communist leader hated Snow White and sent revolutionaries to kill her with a bomb. The revolutionaries, however, were moved by Snow White's willingness to die for the fatherland and let her go. Snow White then wandered until she found a camp where seven dwarven fascists took her in. Later the communist leader learned that Snow White lived and went in disguise and killed her. When the dwarves found her body they put it in a memorial garden dedicated to all who died for the fatherland. After some time a brave soldier came and kissed her. This brought Snow White back to life and together they marched a patriotic army on the capital and brutally killed all the communists traitors, thus ending their oppression.

Liberal

Once upon a time... there lived a war mongering president who took the country to war many times over. He had a stepdaughter named Snow White who was a anti-war marcher and a pacifist. The president hated Snow White and sent a secret service member to arrest her. The secret service member, however, let Snow White go after she convinced him how wrong it was to kill. Snow White then wandered until she found a pro-peace organization where its seven penitent dwarven war veterans who took her in. Later the president learned that Snow White still lived and went in disguise and killed her with a gun in what was a horrible crime that also proved the need to ban firearms. When the dwarves found her body they picketed at the local government building. After some time an agnostic man came and kissed her and had representatives of all major religions pray over her body. This brought Snow White back to life and together they protested until the president was impeached, after which Snow White had an abortion.