UnBooks:Alien Reports

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Take us to your leader. Why do aliens always look to the right?

Do you always see aliens in your backyard? Have you ever witnessed a UFO and no one has believed you? Ever been abducted by aliens then probed in weird and uncomfortable places? Have you ever been mocked and ridiculed by your peers because you're a stupid, fat, ugly dork with no friends? Well, you've come to the right place. Within are the reports of people who claim to have seen extraterrestrial beings. You can record your sightings here, without fear of doubt or persecution. Except by everyone else.

UFO/Extraterrestrial Sightings[edit]

Case #001:The Robot Incident[edit]

CLASSIFIED PHOTO #001 (Description: The photo)


Time: 1:13 PM

Date: June 15 2000

Description: Alien Robots attacked the city. I took a photo from my hotel room balcony.

Reporter: Johnathan Doe-Smith

Image: A photo taken by Johnathan Doe-Smith of one of the robots.

Snopes Report: True

Case #002:The Bully Case[edit]

CLASSIFIED DRAWING #002 (Description: Yes, most aliens are hoodies.)

Place: At a school in Texas

Time: 11:00 AM

Date: June 6 2006

Description: All the bullies at the school were spotted taking off masks, revealing scaly creatures. Hostile scaly creatures. The teachers coined them "Reptoids".

Reporter:Jack Daniels

Image: A "Reptoid" bully, drawn by an anonymous schoolchild.

Snopes Report: Multiple

Case #003:The Neighbors Next Door[edit]

Place: Downey, CA

Time: 7:22 PM

Date: March 22 2008

Description: 28 year old Daniel Johnson had just come home from a long days work and decided to go to bed early. While laying in bed trying to go to sleep, He saw a mysterious green glow outside his window. He got up to see what was going on outside and to his bewilderment, he saw the next-door neighbors talking to aliens! Suddenly, unzipped their skin and were aliens themselves. They spotted Daniel Johnson spying on them, pulled out what looked like a gun, and shot a laser through the window. Daniel felt the laser and after 5 seconds, he blacked out. When he woke up, it was morning the next day. He thought that the whole thing was just a bizzare dream until he saw a foggy circle in his window and noticed that the house gave off a radiation that made his hairs stick up. The house to this day is still abandoned.Because Daniel is a fat retarded dork with very few friends, well he made up this story

Reporter: Daniel Johnson

Image: None

Snopes Report: True

Case #004:The Killer Pork Incident[edit]

Place: New York, New York, so good they named it twice!

Time: 2:00 PM

Date: December 21 2012

Description: Men made out of pork attacked New York! Hey, that rhymes! They stole all the meat they could find! They killed a kid, they grabbed a lid, and baked him in their saucer with rind!

Reporter: Dr. James Whom

Image: None

Snopes Report: Undetermined


Case #004: The Tofu Abduction Incident[edit]

Place: At a castle

Time: 1:23

Date: 4 July 1997

Description of Aliens, Spacecraft, etc.: These aliens were witnessed by a group of fat globby teenagers. Who so happen Reporter: Some French Chick

Where did they probe you? My nose.

Snopes Report: False

Case #005: The Wiki Abduction[edit]

Place: In a park.

Time: 12:14

Date: 15 April 2007

Description of Aliens, Spacecraft, etc.: Spacecraft looked like the Wikipedia logo, aliens looked like Jimbo Wales.

Reporter: Anonymous

Where did they probe you? My brain.

Snopes Report: True

Crazy Crackpot Theories[edit]

What's your crazy, crackpot theory about UFOs?

Theory #001: Roswell Crash[edit]

In 1949, something was seen falling from the sky outside Roswell, New Mexico. What it was remains a mystery to this day. But it was not a weather balloon! It was an alien spacecraft!!! The government is trying to hide the truth... it's not safe here...
to find the truth and other facts of the corrupt government: go here

Submitter: Qu'est-ce Que Sonnomest

Theory #002: Government Created to Make Every Place US[edit]

The title says it all.

Submitter: That Guy

Theory #003: Aliens created the government[edit]

Ever seen George W Bush? He's an alien!

Submitter: Sir Uncyclopedia

Wild Interplanetary Sex[edit]

How was it?

Sex Encounter #007[edit]

Reported by: James Bond

Sex Experience: Completely, totally wicked!


Fear not, help IS out there. WE ARE NOT ALONE!!!