Wheeling Jesuit University/Buildings/Troy Theater

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A delightful domicile for delectable death, doom, destruction, and degradation.


After the Space People came to the campus of Wheeling Jesuit University during the protectorate of Dschinghis Khan, they found the traditional University culture to be entirely unsatisfactory. After giving 1,002 copies of their hit single to remedy the situation, they set up the University People's Cultural-Historical Unified Certified Komeradeschaft UPCHUCK to bring extra-worldly enlightenment to the students of WJU. One of their first projects was a monumental effort to construct a replica of Pompey's Theatre. Unfortunately, only a mockup was completed when L. Ron Hubbard drove the Space People back to their home planet with his Space-Stuka. This shoddily-built replica was hastily retrofitted with something resembing a stage and seating, and became the now-famous Troy Theatre. The Troy Theater is currently located in Swint Hall, next to the statue of Pope Innocent III. Many Shady Productions movies are filmed at this location.

Great Performances[edit]

The performance opening night was Christopher Walken's now famous rendition of Hamlet in the Klingon language. The house was at full capacity for this electrifying performance. Unfortunately, the audience got a bit carried away during the Sixth Act, and burned down the theatre. It was easily re-assembled by Voltron and the Pope, who was in the audience during Walken's performance. Another memorable performance was by the death-metal band Limozeen, who performed a light suite of Vivaldi's Four Seasons. This time, the audience was abducted by the alien motorcycle gang known as "the Probers" before they could inflict mayhem on the theatre. However, a recording of the performance is still extant and is extensively popular amongst the furry community.

Uses during the Revolution[edit]

During the Revolution, the theatre was used by the now-famouse Committee for Public Safety, which is chiefly remembered for its intense prosecution of counter-revolutionary elements guilty of the heinous crime of refusing to colour-coordinate their handbags. The table for the Committee still sits high atop the stage, presenting a great challenge to actors attempting to perform plays.


During a particulary intense performance of Virgil's Georgics, much of the theatre was burned down by the virulent Bonapartist faction of the University. This tragedy was seen also as a great opportunity. Noted architect Colin Mochrie was brought in, and he proposed a massive neo-classical edifice with performances housed under a gigantic seventy-story dome. However, the University decided to spend the money on rape counseling for members of the lacrosse Empire, and patched up the theatre as cheaply as possible.


The future holds many exciting changes for the Troy Theatre, such as rising ticket prices. Many exciting performances are promised also, such as an interpretive-dance rendition of the Franco-Prussian War and a modern theatrical rendition of the classic "Swan Lake", starring Ursula the drunken bear.