Trilobites are an extinct branch of the arthropods who refused to keep up with evolutionary changes. They appear as extras in Steven Spielberg's critically acclaimed film Harry Potter and the Cambrian Explosion, based on the book by Richard Dawkins. Trilobites looked like low slung armoured tanks that swam or crawled across the ocean floor. To keep themselves entertained, trilobites drew on Precambrian rocks with their feet; some of their most famous works include the Ediacara Fauna and the Burgess Shale.
Some writers suggest that some trilobites smuggled themselves onboard alien spacecraft before they went extinct on Earth. They are said to have eventually given up their body armour in exchange of fur and became tribbles.
Trilobites were hunted to extinction by the dinosaurs, who consumed them as a tasty mid-morning snack. The Last Trilobite - played by Daniel Day Lewis in the film of the same name - eventually died of ennui in Belgium. The woodlouse is said to be a modern day trilobite but will refuse answer any enquiries if you call him as such.
Trilobite fossils were first found by a Welsh coal miner called Burgess excavating a pit in which he wanted to bury the family he had recently murdered. In exchange for a royal pardon, Burgess turned over finds to the Natural History Museum in London for a large cash sum. Because this predated Charles Darwin's book about evolution, experts said Trilobites had died out because they refused to get on Noah's Ark because of their irrational fear of spiders.
Taxonomically, trilobites can be divided into four major Odours. First is the Odour Agnostica, comprised of legally blind trilobites, as well as the sub-order Myopica. Second is the Odour Supercalifrigalisticaexpialidocius, which were hideous monstrosities. The most famous of these is Sarajessica parkeri.
The other Odours are not worth mentioning or sniffing.
- Klingons hate trilobites
- Trilobites hate Klingons
- The tail of a trilobite is called a Pygmalion
- There are eight trilobits to a trilobite
- A trilobite's rear end is known as a trilobutt
- George Clooney once got so mad at a trilobite, he blew it to trilobits.
- Radioactive trilobites are stored in Silobites.
- It is rumored that triloBARKs are indeed worse than triloBITEs.
- Trilobites cannot fly, because then they would be triloflights.
- Culinary masters found that boiling trilobites make excellent trilodelights.
- Really ancient computers use trilobites as memory.
- 3.48275 percent of all trilobites are Jewish.
- Trilobites in medieval times were known as triloknights.
- Trilodays come after trilonights.
- Trilobites are three times bigger than unibites
- Trilobites have evil relatives named Bilobites
- Trilobites ride trilobikes
- Trilobites fly trilokites
- The act of cutting a Trilobite out of rock is called a Trilobotomy