The Incredible Hulk
- This puny article refers to fictional character The Incredible Hulk. For puny 1970s television series, see The Incredible Hulk (TV series).
|Article written in the style of its subject
This article is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are the type who needed this explained to you. If you still do not find the article funny, that is surely because a joke loses its humor when it is explained. The authors sincerely hope that you will pick up your game and laugh without prompting in the future.
Dr. Puny Bruce Banner brilliant nuclear physicist, is shy, puny and introvert nerdling. He contacted by slightly less puny General Ross work on tiny Army Gamma Bomb project. Puny Banner have deep misgivings as pawn of warmongers. Banner agree to work on puny Army program, Banner buy food, pay off student loans. Puny Gamma Bomb make great strides. Got as far as initial test. Widespread misconception cause puny Dr. Banner to absorb puny gamma ray blast during test of puny bomb. Banner attempt save puny teenager Rick wandering onto puny nuclear test site.
Puny Gamma rays trigger latent genes in puny Banner's DNA. As result, release of puny adrenaline, causes the smart but puny Banner to transform into monstrous green beast of subhuman intelligence but superhuman strength: the Incredible Hulk. He since been pursued by puny General, who hopes to turn Hulk into some kind of weapon. General think bullets hurt hulk, general dumb, hulk eat bullets, poop lead ingots. Due to dangerous and unpredictable transformations, puny Banner has permanently exiled his puny self from puny society so as to prevent his puny self from harming puny others, Banner wander alone along highways hitchhiking cross puny deserts of American Southwest and central america, looking for peace of mind, endlessly searching to cure puny Banner's incredibly isolating condition. Hulk been even more difficult to integrate into puny society, although for time he able to find work programming for puny Microshit, where he collaborate with puny Yoda on puny Microsoft Grammar Checker. Hulk smash bad grammar!
Puny Dr. Bruce Beaner's Mexican Transformation into the Hulk
Transformation of puny Dr. Beaner into his alter-ego, Incredible Hulk, result from release of adrenaline due to excessive fear or getting pissed off. For instance, puny Banner might get angry if some puny dick threaten him or puny loved one, if puny evil-doer try to take over world, if he has to deal with puny Clippy popping up with his useless and annoying hints while trying to type, or if one of favorite puny TV shows gets cancelled; like when puny Fox cancelled puny Futurama. (Grrrr...) In fact, if puny Banner were even to think back on that, he would get upset about seeing funny, witty and puny show, one with so much potential, cancelled by boneheaded puny Fox executives and then Hulk... you make Hulk angry puny Andrea Berman, you no like Hulk when Hulk angry...(RIP! TEAR!) GNRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!
GNRAAAAAAAH!!!' Puny Fox Network make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH puny Fox network executives! Why Puny Fox Network torment Hulk? Leave Hulk alone! Hulk just want to be alone! Hulk no hurt you, why you hurt Hulk? Fox want fight? Hulk win, but no one ever really win in war, except politicians and businessmen. War make Hulk sad; Hulk smash man's inhumanity to man!!!
In 1905 Albert Einstein made a figure to calculate the Hulks power. He made the hulk–energy equivalence E equals MC squared determining Hulk can snap a black hole in half over his knee.
Hulk Puny Hobbies
Hulk have many puny hobbies. Things Hulk like to do:
- Turning into big green guy
- Wandering alone in puny desert
- Wearing large puny purple pants
- Stinking like body odor, blood and smelly feet
- Smashing puny objects
- Speaking in third person
- Staring at pretty puny ladies, holding them in big, meaty fists
- Kicking puny fighter jet football
- Jumping onto ICBM to ride horsie
- Running through concrete buildings like Japanese paper walls
- Roaring once Hulk defeated puny enemy, or on Avengers karaoke night
- Farting into nuclear bunker after opening tin can and eating beans
- Throwing things at puny people that Hulk no like because puny people want to hurt Hulk, angry people make Hulk mad!!!
Change in direction
After 40 years changing in to Hulk, puny Bruce Banner get bored and decide to make change. Starting by wearing puny blue pants, puny Banner invent puny machine that turn Hulk gray and add 1 to total IQ. This make huge difference, or so Hulk thought.
Puny Dr. Bruce Banner was not fit for society due to Hulk Smashing and a small puny case of dementia. Grey Hulk teach English as second language in South America so army stop hunting Hulk down to repay Banner's massive student loan debts from multiple doctorates.
Common note on Hulk is Hulk's amazing ability to instantly shed all other puny clothes other than pants. Undoubtedly hide truly scary part of Hulk. It revealed recently Hulk wear certain kind of spandex to allow for this. Allegedly came at advice of Hulk's puny lawyer cousin She-Hulk who want cousin Banner to avoid indecent exposure charges in tiny people court. Hulk plan to market spandex to puny military, aware that they will use it against Hulk as net. Hulk no care. HULK SMASH ARMY LIKE BUGS!!!
She-Hulk is Hulk's cousin Jennifer Walters, a lawyer who suffers from a severe form of schizophrenic delusion where she believes she is a comic book character. According to her SHIELD psychological profile she is sort of like if Wonder Woman was seven feet tall, green and had a sense of humor, or at least one that didn't involve ropes and blindfolds. Banner often sneaks into the country and visits her at the asylum, poor crazy Jennifer.
Death Of Hulk
The creature's corpse was discovered in New York City on August 29, 2009 along with several other Marvel Heroes murdered by Disney. His funeral was a widely televised event. Surviving Fox and Sony heroes such as Spyder-Man, The Fantastic Four, and the X-Men paid tribute. Bizarro delivered a short and confused eulogy consisting of "Why Hulk not wake up?" Hulk is survived by his parents Frankenstein's Monster and Doctor Jekyll. David Banner is believed to be dead. And he must let the world think that he is dead, until he can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him.