Swedish steamshovel
A Swedish steamshovel is … wait, dude, you don’t know what a Swedish steamshovel is?! Pfft! Oh my god, you honestly don’t know what it is! And you’re searching on the internet to try to find out what it is now! Talk about LAAAAAAAME! Well I suppose there are some people out there that don’t know what it is…. People who are living in their mother’s basement for life and call a fun weekend a nonstop anime marathon with Chee-tos and Capri Sun! Oh my god, what a fucking prick! So anyway, I guess I’ll try to explain to you a little bit…
Hardcore
Well, a Swedish steamshovel is probably just the THE most hardcore sexual act there is! And I’d know, because just about every girl I do it to says they can’t BELIEVE I just gave them a Swedish steamshovel. They thought they’d done everything until they got a down and dirty, world-rocking SS. And they might have. But nothing could prepare the hottest, horniest slut for the visceral thrill of an SS served to perfection. Just throw out all of those other tame little sexual maneuvers, like the donkey punch or the hot sanchez or whatever. It’s all pretty kindergarten once you get into the Swedish steamshovel type shit. God, I can barely even believe myself that I did it! Or rather, do it, on a regular basis!
Sick
Okay, if you really think you’re ready, then go to just about any adult clip site and search “Swedish steamshovel”. Yeah, and don’t come crying to me when your mind is blown by the fucked-up odyssey that it is. I mean, who even thought of this? I could hardly believe it when I first saw it done, but that was when I was like nine years old. I can’t even believe my brother did that to his girlfriend! I thought he loved her and shit! I mean, shit!
Example in conversation
Here, maybe this will give you a clue.
Dude 1: Hey man.
Dude 2: Ssup.
Dude 1: So, did you get that chick last night?
Dude 2: Hell yeah! I took her home and gave her a fucking Swedish steamshovel too.
Dude 1: No fucking way! That's sick dude!
Dude 2: Hell yeah! It was fucking awesome!
Dude 1: No way! You didn't really?!
Dude 2: Naw, man. I did.
Dude 1: Seriously?
Dude 2: Serious, man.
There. Now you pretty much get the idea of how fucking wicked it is.
Expert techniques
Look, dude, I’m not here to tell you how to do it. If you wanna know, you’re gonna have to either learn it on the street, or from the internet or something, because you’re sure not gonna find it in your junior high sex ed textbook. Besides, I don’t wanna tell you and then have you all mad at me saying how your girlfriend dumped you because she was so utterly demoralized by a Swedish steamshovel. I’ve got enough on my conscience from the chicks I’ve done it to! Woo-hoo, if you could have seen the look on this one chick Michelle’s face when – Oh sorry, this article isn’t about my life. But I suggest you go out and get yourself a life, and if I were you I would just stay away from the godless depravity known as the Swedish steamshovel and stick to putting together your model airplanes, Poindexter!
 Featured Article (read another featured article)
|
Featured version: 25 August 2011 |
| This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. | |