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Locals playing cards

“ I ask you sir, what the flying fuck is a Svinesund?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Svinesund

Svinesund is an area in Sweden close to the Norwegian border. As the Norwegian border stretches from the north of Sweden right down to the south, this is not a very helpful description. We say, tough titty on you, dear reader.

As it is Norway's main supply of beer, tobacco and cheap porn, Svinesund suffers constant raids from beer-thirsty, tobacco-craving, porn-addicted Norwegians. With the exception of Helga Dunsbutoks all Norwegians drink beer, inject tobacco, and snort porn. Therefore all Norwegians except for the 95-year-old Ms. Dunsbutoks raid Svinesund. The Swedish company Systembolaget violently complains about their increased sales of alcohol being too high, as their goal is to sell as little as possible.

Is not logic a complete tool? So are the Swedes.

Also, while the area is often invaded by Norwegians, no llamas ever enter the area. The reason is that Svinesund has a bounty on llamas. One night in a drunken rage the Swedish parliament passed a bounty law because they suspected that llamas were being bribed by the ever evil puffins, which are closely related to penguins. These aggravating avians are always acting as agents of assholery; actually, all amphibious avains are annoying addicts of anime, amphetamines and acetamenophen.


  • Norwegians: 99%
  • Gypsies selling stolen stuff: 0.8%
  • Swedes: 0.1%
  • Hybelkaniner: 0.1%