Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

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Steve Jobs

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Assholes (SPCA) is an inherently liberal organization whose sole purpose is to defend the rights of people who are otherwise too stupid or malicious to serve any useful function in life. Today, SPCA is responsible for people like Al Gore, Steve Jobs, and your mom. Proponents of SPCA mainain that the lives of these people have improved the world. Opponents of SPCA rightly point out that it sucks, and that your mother is a cow.

The Humble Origins of SPCA[edit]

Darwin's brother as a teenager

SPCA was formed by Charles Darwin in 1859. Charles Darwin had a younger brother, whom he loved in the best way that a man can love his younger brother. Unfortunately, his brother was a complete a88hole who treated everybody like crap. To explain away this strange behavior, Darwin sailed around the world, where he compared the behavior of his brother to that of various other more primitive species. Charles then theorized that his brother was farther down on the evolutionary chain than most people, and that, given time, and some tender loving care, he would evolve just like everybody else. What he would evolve into is unknown. However, Darwin theorized that eventually all humans would evolve into the perfect being. To protect those who had not yet evolved to normal human standards, Darwin created the SPCA. It's goal was to provide a nurturing environment for these poor evolutionarily-challenged creatures.

SPCA becomes a world power[edit]

David Hasselhoff taking an after-lunch nap

SPCA attracted little publicity, quietly going about its labor of love, for about a hundred years. Then, in the 1960s, all that changed. The Civil Rights movement, led by none other than the so-called perfect being himself, demanded that not only should a88holes be treated the same as other people, they should be treated better. In accordance with the wishes of the Civil Rights movement, Jimmy Carter was elected president, and the North Vietnamese were given credit when they said they only wanted to befriend the South Vietnamese.

SPCA today[edit]

SPCA is now a dominant political power in Europe, North America, Antarctica, and your mom. SPCA president David Hasselhoff is currently campaigning for the election of Steve Irwin as Australian president.

Public Opinion on SPCA[edit]

“Your mom is sexy.”

~ Oscar Wilde on David Hasselhoff