Search and Seizure

Jimmy "Big James" Madison was the principle author of the US Constitutional Amendment protecting citizens from unwarranted government intrusion into their private affairs.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Modern ("Bushwhacked") Interpretation

The King of the United States, George "The Third" Bush, analyzed the constitutional work of the American Founding Fathers, principally by pissing on it and then giving it to Big John "Big John" Ashcroft to analyze. After the presidential urine had partially evaporated, Ashcroft decided that the Constitution should have read:

The right of the King of the USA is to have anyone and everyone searched -- and these searches include persons, houses, papers, and effects. And this especially INCLUDES body-cavity searches of any American citizen -- well, anybody or anything on Earth, actually -- whenever and wherever George "The Turd" Bush wants to have aformentioned such search performed.

When asked about his authorization of fisting by National Security Agency agents looking for information, King George said "If you don't want NSA agents sticking their grubby mits up your rectum looking for indications that you may be inclined to criticize the Royal Bush Administration, then you best move to someplace where freedom still exists -- like maybe Sweden. Because in the USA anything you say, write, or think is the legal property of ME: King George Bush. Formally, officially, and frontally."

Analysis

This interpretation -- which, incidentally, has been in effect for five years now -- means that no US citizen has any right to privacy. He, she, or it has no protection against searches, no matter how unreasonable.

In fact, the National Security Agency has already found those items you -- dear Uncylopedia reader -- had thought you had hidden carefully away. They found out about them by listening to your phonecalls. The emails you sent were just the gravy on the mashed potatoes of your folly.

You, my friend, are formally and frontally fucked.

Courtesy of George W. "I da KING" Bush.

See Also

• George Bush: chronicle of greatness -- The master article in this series.

• American Commitment to the Rights of Man -- Analysis of the Bush administration's regard for the universal rights of man as described in the American Declaration of Independence.

• Cost schedule for buying the US government -- How much does it cost to buy 15 minutes with George Bush? What about Tom DeLay or Roy Blunt?

• NeoContract with America -- A precís of the Bush Administration's philosophy of government as regards fiscal policy, accountability to the people, and energy policy. Also touches on historical precedents, and the role of the Republican Party.

• NSA fisting -- An in-depth look at the procedures authorized by the Bush Administration for domestic surveillance of Americans.

• Operation Enduring Truth -- A report on the success of the campaign to win the hearts and minds of the Vietnamese Iraqis through use of paid propaganda.

• Reconstruction of Iraq -- A look at Bush's masterful "Marshall Plan for the Towelheads" and its beneficiaries.

• US Fiscal Policy: Starving the Beast by Feeding It -- A look at the Bush fiscal policy and its implementation.

• What the hell… Epilepsy