Rob Ford
Robert Ford (born Rob Ford), ((May 28, 1969 – March 22, 2016) was the last mayor of the city state/drug cartel of Toronto before he was defeated. He is nowadays considered to be one of the founding fathers of Canada. His graduation from clown school, along with his election as mayor, and the cancellation of his YMCA gym membership are his most notable achievements.
Personal life[edit]
Young Rob grew up in the ghetto where he had to manufacture his own methamphetamine, to provide for his three older siblings Doug, Kathy and Randy Ford. His father Doug Ford Sr, owned Deco Labels and Tags, which was a cover for his second hand cocaine retail enterprise. As the business grew, the Fords became wealthy and built a big house where Rob enjoyed looking out the balcony and sneering down at the plebs below. Rob attended "special camps" and dropped out of university where he was studying Political Science, to help his Dad out at the meth lab.
Rob Ford is married to Renata Ford, and is the legitimate father of Stephanie Ford and the alleged father of Doug Ford; who is also suspected to be one of Rob's failed lab experiments.
Ford is frequently hospitalized because he can't take kidney stones like a man. He often consumes medical cocaine for his asthma and self-confidence issues.
Early career[edit]
After drifting between jobs, ranging from pusher to football coach, and even knight, Rob tried his hand at being the tooth fairy, where he was unsuccessful. Ford attempted to market swag however the project failed but was given second life by Guns n' Roses former guitarist, Gilby Clark in 2002.
Political career[edit]
His political career started in 2000 following the crumble of the Torontonian government due to the millennium bug scare. Upon taking power, Ford tried to establish a dictatorship in Toronto, but at the time dictatorships were too mainstream. Leaving for a spiritual pilgrimage, he lent the city of Toronto to drug lords until his return in 2010. During his term, Ford cancelled vehicle registration taxes as he cycled through several cars a day due to terrible driving. He also helped make Toronto one of the largest and most prolific drug trading hubs in the world. Being a cocaine advocate himself, he has been bullied by the media; but what they do they know, right? He was also able to launch Toronto into comedic news super fame, bringing the spotlight to Canada in ways thought only possible by Justin Bieber.
Federal Elections[edit]
Rob Ford will be leading the Mario Party of Canada, in the 2014 federal elections in Canada. His campaign song was be "Cocaine" by Eric Clapton. He based his campaign solely on circular logic and on the legalization of certain drugs, such as kitten souls. He asked London Mayor Boris Johnson to help as a fellow 'blondie' but was refused. The Mario Party split the Conservative vote and let in the Canadian Liberals.
Death[edit]
Rob is no more. Canada is a duller place. If that's possible.