Odacchi
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Odacchi Alert! Warning. This is Odacchi, the King of Everything. Do not attempt liberal resistance. |
“Watch out! We've got an Odacchi over here!”
“So what if I can beat God in a fist-fight? I still can't beat Odacchi.”
Odacchi is your ruler. He is my ruler. He is greater than anything you have ever thought of. Even if you think of something greater, Odacchi will become better. Odacchi has a long, detailed history about his rise to dominance, and he currently stands as the leader of the Odacchi Council (which, in turn, controls every atom in the entire Universe). Do not fucking fuck with Odacchi, because all that will come from trying to fuck with him is an anal pounding so hard you'll be coughing up Odacchi's semen. Although, you could consider it an honor for him to do so.
History[edit]
Odacchi had an unfortunate childhood. In West Philadelphia, born and raised, he was the son of a former Kamikaze suicide bomber, Yogorechan, and a Communist Spy turned American Housewife, Wukong. Upon his birth, he was christened the Jewish name "Oda," which means "why the fuck was this little assnugget born" in Hebrew (a good luck charm).
He was known to be very intelligent from a young age, solving the Black Hole Information Paradox at the age of seven minutes. However, such intellect was still not enough to satisfy an Asian-American upbringing, and Oda was pressured by his parents to do well in school. Although he originally thought that the education system was not right for him, considering its large social cliques and standards, Oda found a quick and affordable solution to his social anxiety; human murder. By senior year in High School, Oda was the only student left in the school besides his rival, Kishimoto, who was known for his promiscuity in a similar sense that Oda had been once he discovered necrophillia.
However, Oda was not always such a social pussy. He soon travelled to the wonderful land of Notrè Dame to attend college. Unfortunately, he took the left turn at Albuquerque and ended up at Noter Deim, a crappy version of the actual place. Oda made plenty of "friends" on the ND Football team (specifically with the beefy Blonde-haired, blue-eyed jocks), but soon realized that his best bet for a career was corrupt world domination after reading the famous novel, 1984, a dystopian novel where the planet is controlled by a dictator named "Ronald Reagan" who views the entire world with television monitors and arrests people for thinking liberal thoughts. Oda took on his new identity, Odacchi, and automatically became the most powerful man in the universe.
Odacchi assembled the most terrifying trash of this world to bring rise to his ideal for the Odacchi empire. These very men, who consisted of Adolf Hitler, Jr., Megatron, Carl Sagan and Grimace, would be the leading generals of his soon-to-be empire and eventually the members of his beloved Odacchi council.
Grimace passed away in 2005 from Hormonal Cancer. His chair on the council has yet to be reclaimed.
Odacchi's Empire[edit]
Being the most powerful man in the world was harder than it seemed. Although it was simple taking over the United States, Canada was much more difficult since the citizens were able to get off of their chairs and fight back thanks to Free Health Care. After Odacchi consumed all of North America, he sent out all the Mexicans to prison camps where they were forced to mow people's lawns and become janitors at District Public Schools. With the newly formed Odacchi empire, world domination was approaching completion. Before long, Earth would bare a new name: BLUE BALL, a reference to Odacchi's unfortunate testicular condition.
The one planet was not enough. Odacchi knew that he needed more than just what our single world had to offer to maximize his potential. However, there were no other blue balls at that time to obtain, so Odacchi built one from pieces of Soviet Newspaper he glued together with Paper Machè. The result was The Pulpy Blue Ball, a second blue ball right next to the other, which Odacchi automatically claimed (despite having never set foot on it).
Odacchi was able to create amazing rockets. Rockets that, using the power of Love, could fly to the edge of the universe, which there IS. This made it simple to take over the entirety of existence, making him king of Everything, a title God once held until Odacchi illegalized his existence. Odacchi brought it upon himself to change the universe for the better by eliminating several of the world's scum, including:
- Charlie Sheen
- Jimmy Wales
- Weegee
- Chuck Fuckin' Norris
- Elmer Fuckin' Fudd
- John Lennon
- Fred Flintstone
- Adolf -- nope, just kidding.
- Dudley Doright
- Sun Tzu
- Rocky Balboa
And many others who were not notable enough to be acknowledged by this great Encyclopedia.
Odacchi Today[edit]
Odacchi has not been publicly seen since the Underwear Bombing of 1996, an event that destroyed most of Montreal, keeping private out of shame for having not taking part in such a glorious milestone. It is believed by some that Odacchi is now living in Japan and is writing Manga for the Nihons, in order to cover for his absence in universal dominance. This still leaves a question unanswered: who's dominating the universe now? The most common speculation is that Odachi chopped off his Penis, turned it into a Horcrux, and gave it permission to resume control over the universe as he took his break. Either that, or it's just Newt Gingrich. The general public accepts his current departure from universe ruling and summarizes his break as "healthy" and "natural." However, it is still known that whenever someone tries to gain power in this big blue ball, there shall always be Odacchi out there to dick-twist them into a pretzel schlong! Long live the great ruler, Odacchi, long live his immortal soul! Bow down to Odacchi before he rapes you!!! DO IT NOW!!!!!
Shit.[edit]
God bless you Odacchi.
See Also[edit]
- Pi, Odacchi's favorite number. Also used on his locker combination, TV channel and daytime Alarm.
- Uncyclopedia, the only website amazing enough to bring Odacchi's life to exploitation.
- String Theory. Why the fuck do physicists worry about this shit?