New Somalia

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Somalia map.jpg
(Map of Somalia in German, for your convenience)

"Agh blakh roch bakh oghy rakh borakh beef!"

"Anarchy is Law. Madness is Civilization. Confusion is Strength."

Taxes Income - 10%

Property - 5% Bear Patrol - 1.0425354% Plumbing - 50 5 tits per sink,100 10 per toilet,150 15 per shower,250 25 per bath

Tea - 85 tits 4 tits, 5 nipples per pound

Form of Government Wikocracy
Current Premier Mr T.

Chuck Norris

Currency Tit
Capital Ghetto Hayes
Religion Pastafarianism
National Anthem A Pirate's Life For Me
National Bird The Wedge-tailed Cormorant

New Somalia is the world's first wikocracy — a nation with a government that anyone can edit.


Article I[edit]

  • He who has more guns shall be obeyed.
  • In the unlikely event that one party does not have a gun, he who has the gun shall be obeyed.
  • In the extremely unlikely event that no party has a gun, he whose kung fu is strongest shall be obeyed.

Article II[edit]

No law shall be created that contradicts the will of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as laid forth in the Book of Noodles, and in accordance with the sacred religion of Pastafarianism

Article III[edit]

The Premier shall have the duty and all authority to enforce the laws of New Somalia, and appoint subordinates to assist him in that duty, and he shall be expected to respond quickly to all adjustments of the law. The Premier shall be elected by popular vote, to a term of office lasting five years, and no individual may serve in the office of Premier for more than two terms, or thirteen years, if circumstances are such that a Premier serves for a partial term. If the Premier should be incapacitated...

Article IV[edit]

Article 3 is hereby repealed. The Minister of Defense shall be the head of state

High Crimes[edit]

The crime of High Treason shall be punishable only with office of Premier The following acts shall be construed as High Treason:

  • Hacking a moderator's account on the Wiki of Law
  • Assassinating minor bureaucrats
  • Mailing things on Sunday
  • Attacking a Treasury Department official.

The crime of Blasphemy shall be punishable only by a term of imprisonment not less than twenty years, in which the prisoner shall be forced to hear readings from the Book of Noodles for not less than twenty-three hours and fifty-six minutes per day. The following acts shall be considered Blasphemy

  • Drawing a cartoon of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, excepting cartoons in which Mohammed also appears
  • Eating noodles without going through the ritual of purification
  • Impersonating a deity without a license
  • Having a religious experience without the assistance of a certified prophet
  • Insulting the gods or prophets of any other religion during daylight hours, except during lunch
  • Watching the World Cup


The national currency shall be the Tit.

  • A Tit shall be defined as one half the nightly fee of a prostitute of average skill and average breast size, for normal prostitutes do possess two tits.
  • The Nipple shall be defined as one hundredth of a Tit.
  • To protect the value of the Tit, all prostitutes must be evaluated by the Treasury Department once per year, and the Treasury Department shall post a list of registered prostitutes and their suggested rates in Tits on a website.
  • Paper currency and coins shall be issued to prostitutes in amounts equal to seven times their Treasury Department rating, once per week.
  • This currency shall be lawful tender for all debts, public and private.

Sundry Laws[edit]

You must carry the means of your own destruction at all times.
  • A 'gun' shall be defined as any device that shoots projectiles, and the sale of the same shall not only be permitted to blind individuals who have passed a hearing test.
  • It shall be unlawful to disturb anyone who is using a computer to the purpose of modifying the laws of New Somalia searching for pornographic material. Persons fould guilty of this crime shall be sentenced to a minimum of 40 lashes 8 years of slavery.
  • Every male over the age of eighteen twelve and every female over the age of sixteen shall be required to undergo at least three years of ninja training and carry a weapon at all times for the defense of the Nation.
  • A well-fed population, being necessary to the health of a free Nation, the right of the People to keep and bear spatulas shall not be infringed.
  • Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
  • He who injures his neighbor's servant shall owe his neighbor sixty pieces of silver.
  • The five second rule shall apply only to items from the three categories at the bottom of the Food Pyramid.
  • The ancient law of 'He who smelt it dealt it' shall be understood to only apply indoors.
  • If a man uncovers his sister's nakedness, he shall be put to death have to post pictures of them onto said internet. Stepsisters, however, are cool.


The New Somalian culture treats it as honorable to do the following things:

  • Show hospitality to tired travelers.
  • Invent gadgets and perform scientific experiments.
  • Bring your own weapons on a time travel expedition.
  • Take the last donut — but only if one recites the Epic of Gilgamesh before doing so.
  • Buy his best friend power tools before sleeping with his sister.
  • Play a round of Dance Dance Revolution with your foe before you slay him.

Conversely, it is dishonorable to do any of the following things:

  • Have a computer monitor larger than your television.
  • Subdivide the last piece of cake, for it is a sign of small genitals.
  • Invite another on a time travel expedition without having done this at least once before.
  • Purchase a gadget whose battery cannot be replaced.