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“The text of Moby Dick is hard to swallow.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Moby Dick

“Did you know Moby Dick was a sperm whale?”

~ Smart Guy on Moby Dick

“I thought my son had an STD, turned out to be English Homework.”

~ Stupid Man, Stupid Stupid Man on Moby Dick

Moby Dick, a well known recipie has become famous around the world for driving chefs insane

In it, the chef embarks on a futile quest to make the whale turn white, driving everyone else in your mom


8 oz self-rising flour
1 pinch of salt
4 oz white whale blubber
2 pts baptismal harpooner blood
4-6 oz sultanas (large raisins)
6 ft hemp rope

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Fold blubber into salt and flour until in pea-sized pieces by repeatedly lifting it with a mixing anchor. Add saltwater as needed until you can mould it into a whale shape. If the blubber sticks to anyone else in the vicinity, have an assistant dive into the batter and cut it off at the head.

Stab in the harpooner blood using a freshly forged harpoon until thoroughly punctured; don't worry, the dish will remain intact throughout this process. You should by this point have lost all sense of reason, and have others in the vicinity begin to prophecy about your death. Scatter on the raisins, and pour into a 9x13 pan. Bake in a sparking electric oven, far from Starbucks coffee, for prolongued periods. Continue attempting to skewer the dish regularly with the harpoon as it bakes. If you can't seem to get it to turn out how you want it, attach one end of the rope to the dessert, the other end to your neck, and throw the dessert into the depths.

To ensure that the Moby Dick turns out as intented, make sure that you bore everyone in the vicinity until they began to tear their hair out, and then tell them that it's a masterpiece.

A great dish for high school and college students!

Moby Dick is also known as the premiere form of cullinary torture for high school and college students in order to whittle down the number of low-quality western chefs, thus ensuring better western representation on Iron Chef. It is generally required in cooking classes and will send any right-minded student rushing to SparkRecipes and CliffRecipes begging for help. In order to survive the course, they need to be rescued from this monstrous dessert which might, in all likelyhood, eat them instead of the other way around. Of course, there are always "Ahabs" that believe they will conquer the dessert, and think they are going to win our victory at war!!!, and they fall into an even more disastrous trap.

See also