Bone the Comic
“I'll bone the comic!”
Bone is an "Illustrated Novel" written by Jeff Smith sometime in the last ten years. The story follows three little white gum drops as they travel across a vast quasi-Mississipian territory called The Valley. Although the people they meet lynch strangers on charges of "hood-wearing" and "stick-eating", the three little candy-monsters easily find a new home, which they spend the entire series bitching about.
Story[edit]
Despite being written for a target demographic which still appreciates cute little white mutants and talking possums, the Bone series can be difficult to follow. Mountains blow up throughout the entire series for no reason whatsoever, the most common method of moving the plot is an insect named Ted, and the main characters fall off a five hundred foot cliff, only to be shown five minutes later gingerly walking towards town. Although Bone is mostly comedic, there is a healthy sprinkling of angst, like that time Thorn found out she was a magical princess and sulked in her room for two weeks.
The action is generally bloodless and appropriate for kids, not counting the ninth book when everyone realizes they're carrying swords. Tactics in the Valley generally boil down to frontal attacks on everything. This makes sense given the fact that the defenders always charge out from behind the walls to engage in battle. While the two armies are busy doing that, the main characters fight on the walls, or on a cliff. But they never bring any back-up soldiers to help turn the tide of their insufferably long duels. That would be silly.
In the end, it's basically Eragon all over again. A few elite fighters bang around while the tired, huddled masses fight a completely inconsequential and meticulously detailed battle. Other similarities include cloned plot lines and refreshingly frank characters.
Cast of characters[edit]
Fone Bone[edit]
The protagonist of the series, and to shake things up Jeff Smith made him a little pervert. Spends the majority of the first three books writing freaky love poems to Thorn. His favorite book is Dick. It should be noted that Jeff Smith is not known for his subtlety.He is Smileys and Phoney's cousin. he is really small then his other cousins. He loves Thorn and he anst have sex and get married with her but nobody cares. but he is a little pervert!
Phoney Bone[edit]
The source of 90% of all the bitching that goes on in the Bone comics. He's a lot like a feminist that way, except his whining has some substance, like when he points out Smiley Bone's massive unimportance to the plot. Besides all the shit just mentioned, he loves to suck balls.
He really hooked on gold!. BUT get \
Thorn Harvestar[edit]
Thorn has the amazing ability to be a sexy cock sucking slut whore just ask anyone shes probabbly givin them head and jerked them off shes even had sex with animals. she can swallow 2 gallans of cum. she has big boobs that fone bone wants to titty fuck he does in book 7 she loves to suck dicks and vaginas she is a slut and is proud of it she also has had sex wirh everybody even her granma she is a dirty slut.
Gran'ma Ben[edit]
Thorn's grandmother. Thorn and Gran'ma Ben fight every other panel in Books 3-6, because it gives Jeff Smith the opportunity to show the underlying emotion and friction between characters. Readers missed seeing Smiley get kicked in the ass and the demands soon ended any attempts to explore deeper concepts.
The Hooded One/Briar[edit]
The bad guy. There was actually an impressive effort to give some background to this character, effectively making book 3 the least read out of the entire series. Despite being omnipotent, undead, and a spell-caster, she regularly gets mowed down by random flying objects. She is normally known as Briar by her master.
Kingdok[edit]
Another major villain, he is the cheif of the Rat creatures, and the Hooded One's official battering ram. He is constantly high on various drugs, which is why he always has a creepy smile on his face, has hallucenations, and a delayed reaction to pain (like when getting his arm cut off). Has an enormous bad luck streak, and gets his ass kicked by everyone and everything sooner or later. His favorite thing to do is suck Briar's big ass ugly balls.
Reception[edit]
The Bone series has sold over a million copies in fifteen languages, and is one of the best-selling independently produced comics of all time. Chicks use this line on Jeff Smith all the time, with mixed results. He's a tough one to catch.