UnNews:Michelle Obama, the First Lady of fashion

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3 May 2012

Michelle Obama eagerly jumped on the "4 dresses for $249.99!" clearance sale at Winners

WASHINGTON, DC – Michelle Obama may not be able, on her husband's salary, to keep up with the expensive tastes in fashion that the wife of the president's arch political rival, Mitt Romney, has, but, she says, “I don't dress shabbily.” The First Lady, Obama agrees, has a pricey collection of haute fashion apparel. “If I wasn't in the White House,” he quipped, “I'd be in the poor house.”

From Target to Kmart and Wal-Mart, the First lady often wears the biggest names in fashion. Just last week, she was seen sporting two turtleneck swearers from T.J. Maxx, which sell for $25—each! The very next day, she appeared at a fund-raising event wearing a third sweater—and a cardigan, at that—from JC Penney.

“She may not shop at Nordstrom's or Sach's Fifth Avenue,” the president said, “but her taste in clothing is—well, let's just say it's not cheap, not on my salary.”

Balenciaga, Helmut Lang, Micheal Kors, and Marchesa, from whom Mrs. Romney frequently buys items of her never-ending wardrobe, have all volunteered to donate some of their fine togs to the First lady's collection, but neither she nor her husband would hear of it, a close friend of the family, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, who wishes to remain anonymous, told reporters. “We don't accept charity,” the president said. “Not even in the interests of high fashion,” his wife agreed.

“It's one thing to take campaign contributions,” the president remarked, “but Michelle and I draw the line at accepting clothing. We're not Sarah Palin.”

The president was alluding to the former Alaska governor's purchase of clothing in which to campaign as the Republican vice-president during the last election. Palin had used Republican funds to pay for her designer dresses. “And look at the result,” the president said. “She and McCain lost, and I won.”

Governor Romney, who is challenging Obama in the 2012 presidential election, has been criticized for his alleged elitism. Lately, in an effort to win over beer-swilling, redneck Republicans in important swing states, Romney has been careful to cultivate a modest persona. His wife was criticized, however, for wearing a $990 Reds Krakow silk bird-printed design during a morning television show appearance in which she spoke of the need to “give the poor a hand up instead of a handout, without soaking the rich.”

The First Lady is careful not to wear any outfit that costs more than $100. “Right now, I have my eye on a cute pencil skirt at Cut-Rate Clothiers on Rhode Island Avenue,” she said, “which costs $16.99, bra included.”