Machete in the groin

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“What the fuck was that for?!??”
~ Oscar Wilde on Machete in the groin

“Oh Yeah!”

~ Jason Voorhees on Machete in the groin

Machete in the groin is a term that is used to describe the worst thing that can possibly happen to anyone, ever. The term is often used when a person receives a machete in the groin or when he witnesses somebody else receiving a machete in the groin. Examples of popular usage include "Deary me, golly gosh, I do indeed seem to have received a machete in the groin, what rare deed doth this be?," or "Jesus Christ! That guy just got a fucking machete in the groin!"

Historical Perspective[edit]

This man just received a machete in the groin

The phrase machete in the groin can be traced back to early 1800s South America when it was customary for an injured hunter to exclaim "Panga in the groin!" to alert surrounding hunters that he had received a panga (also known as a machete) in his groin and that they should send for help and definitely not loot him as he lay bleeding. The phrase traveled to Britain and subsequently to North America. During the last several years an increase in what sociologists refer to as machetory groinal assailance has caused a boom in the usage of the phrase. Some variants include the British cutter in the bollocks and the Japanese ah! knife happiness by middle.

Alternatives for Marijuana[edit]

Machete in the groin has been used as a great alternative to weed because of it's great pleasure factor, but has no positive sides except it's better for your health then the use of weed. Although there is a 50% risk factor of total ecstasy or being totally infertile. Use of machete to the groin has a risk of transmitting STD's, AIDS, HIV, faggotry, magical powers, a fears of walls, and Mad Whore Disease. So use with caution kids!

Popular culture[edit]

  • For a brief period in the mid 1990s Budweiser used the machete in the groin boom to appeal to women using the popular feminism craze at the time.
  • In one episode of Frasier, Niles takes a machete in the groin and exclaims "Oh good lord! This is an Armani suit!"
  • Parker Brothers has released a popular party game called Pin the Machete on the Groin in which a blindfolded partygoer attempts to attach a machete to a groin.
  • The 1971 movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory culminates with a violent mêlée involving machetes in the groin. The scene was cut from the consumer release.
  • The rock band Red Hot Chili Peppers released the Machete Groin Sex Magik album in 1991. It was awesome.
  • It is thought the the popular Central American tradition of the Piñata had it's beginnings in the earlier Aztec "Machete in the groin, in the head, in the arms" game.
  • To this day, "I'll shove a Machete in your groin" remains to be JFKs only campaign slogan.
  • Machete in the groin Island is a large island located off the coast of Canadia. It need not be confused with Pen Island.