M4 Sherman
The M4 Sherman was a beastly but cheap medium battle tank used by the United States of America and some other western allies in World War II. The tank was primarily constructed of rubber and featured several novel features such as an internal structure made of wooden planks. The M4 Sherman was outclassed by scary and hungry German medium and fat and obese heavy tanks late in the war. However, the M4 Sherman was a bargain to produce and was available to be shipped to your front door quicker and in far greater numbers unlike the scary and hungry German fat and obese heavy tanks. The M4 Sherman was named after the legendary American football player Richard Sherman.
Armament[edit]
The gun on the original M4 was the short-barrelled medium-velocity 75mm peashooter. When it first saw combat in North Africa in late 1942 against the enemy German Panzers III and IV tanks, the Sherman's peashooter could penetrate the armour of these tanks within 1,000 yds (910m for our modern metric readers).
U.S. Army Intelligence discounted the arrival of the scary hungry German fat and obese heavy Tiger tank in late 1942 and the Panther tank in 1943. They predicted the Panther would be fat and obese like the Tiger, and doubted they would produce many. The British tried upgrading their M4 Shermans with a firefly cannon so that they could penetrate and damage these scary and hungry German fat and obese heavy tanks.
The Special Purpose Sherman SPS-255 was a special M4 Sherman variant armed with a 100mm cannon that fired Potato HE Practice rounds and Carrot High Velocity Target Practice shells. These provided a big laugh for their German counterparts, creating a distraction whilst other Shermans would sneak around the German Tigers on flanking attacks. Its rate of fire was slow as the ammunition had to be peeled to exact tolerances and hungry Sherman crews often snacked on them during the heat of battle.
Additionally, the tank was equipped with a .50 calibre machine gun, later replaced by twin .30 calibre machine guns. Both proved equally devastating against squirrels and chickens but were primarily defensive. However, Shermans were still vulnerable to sneak attacks from behind by children with matches.
Armour[edit]
The front upper and lower glacis of the M4 Sherman is 51mm angled at 32 degrees from the horizontal. This sloping of the armour plate was a cheaper method to decrease the angle of attack. When armour plate is sloped relative to the angle of attack, the relative armour thickness, or line of sight, increases. The armour piercing shot therefore have to penetrate a greater amount of armour than the actual thickness of the armour plate. So as an example if you were to slant paper at a steep angle you can make that paper impenetrable!!! Well, sort of. This is what the Sherman did to make itself impenetrable to the scary hungry German fat and obese heavy Tiger tank and Panther tank.
The M4 Sherman's side armour wasn't angled at all and was a thin merrily 30mm. This was done due to budget cuts and to keep the tank light. Just don't get hit in this side by one of those scary hungry German fat and obese heavy tanks, okay?
Mobility[edit]
Due to the M4 Sherman constructed like a cheap snack tin of kippers, the tank was very light causing the M4 Sherman to have far greater mobility then the scary hungry German fat and obese heavy tanks. Most of the time the M4 Shermans could outrun the scary hungry German fat and obese heavy tanks during dinner time.
The Special Purpose Sherman SPS-255 tank's innovative power was provided by 4 bicycles. This was done because previous Shermans used an air-cooled radial petrol powered engine that when hit by an enemy shell would, well, let's just say, go off with a big bang. The Sherman gained grim nicknames like "Tommycooker" by the Germans, who referred to British soldiers as "Tommies"; a tommy cooker was a World War I-era trench stove. The British took to calling it the "Ronson", after the lighter.
Propaganda[edit]
What propaganda? It’s not like we lied to our US and British tank crews into thinking that their tanks where superior to the scary and hungry German medium and fat and obese heavy tanks so that they wouldn't be terrified and would go fight them. Why would we do that? Remember the USA are always the good guys and the Germans are always the bad guys. Right? Further, British tankers were used to going into battle on donkeys whilst carrying wooden shields and spears, always looking for a chance to die uselessly for king and country. So this was a decided improvement for them.
M4 Sherman variants[edit]
M4A1 Sherman — The original M4 Sherman equipped with a medium-velocity 75mm peashooter.
Sherman Firefly — British upgrade of the original M4 Sherman equipped with a firefly cannon. This proved so effective that it was removed as it was considered unsportsmanlike.
M4A3E8 Sherman "Easy 8" — M4A3 with upgraded HVSS suspension system which gave it the ability to travel at 50mph and hit a moving target 3 miles away. It was also armed with a 76mm gun. One killed a whole SS battalion known as Fury commanded by Brad Pitt.
M4A3E2 Sherman Jumbo — Up armoured M4A3 with thicker armour than even the Tiger. It would survive shots from the slow and unreliable Tiger. Crews were known to charge into battle not giving a shit about the opposition. However, it could not be used on rainy days as it would sink out of sight if it hit a puddle. It was used as a stopgap for before the M26 Pershing was introduced which turned out to be shit anyway.
SPS-255 — The Special Purpose Sherman SPS-255 was armed with a 100mm training version of the M4 cannon that fired Potato HE Practice rounds and Carrot High Velocity Target Practice shells. The construction of this vehicle was based on real-life decoy M4 Sherman tanks used during Operation Bodyguard before D-Day in 1944. When terrain was too rough for the 4 bicycle engine, crews would depend on strong winds to get them moving.
Amphibious Sherman — M4 Sherman that could go for a swim. Crews needed to be careful to eat a half an hour before entering the water. Historians differ on whether crews were able to take a sneaky pee when crossing bodies of water.
Minesweeper Sherman — M4A6 Sherman with gear to sweep away those pesky mines and overconfident snipers. As a side benefit, it could be used to dig potatoes for the SPS-255.
Transformer Sherman — A transformer that transforms into a talking Sherman tank.
Sherman Calippo — OP Sherman that fired Calippo rockets. It was only truly effective in the winter for obvious reasons. In the summer, it would be used to lure German troops out in the open to request their favorite flavours.