Kony 2012
“I'm clearly an expert on Ugandan politics after watching that thirty minute video.”
“Kony 2012!”
“Mmm... Coney!”
Kony 2012 was a political campaign launched in 2012 by Hillary Clinton, in sole effort to remove President Obama from office by relocating him to Uganda. The organized campaign received its name from Joseph James Coney Island, Jr., the winner of the 2011 Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. Unfortunately, Hillary Clinton had spelling issues, which resulted in the campaign being identified as 'Kony 2012' opposed to 'Coney 2012'. Kony 2012 received popularity when one anonymous man posted a thirty minute video discussing the deliciousness of Uganda's renown frankfurters. The movement urged Americans to take action and bring Uganda's hot dogs to America. At the end of the clip, the narrator explains how posting one Kony 2012 poster in public on April 20 would send one American to Uganda to steal hot dogs from Joseph Coney.
Background[edit]
Joseph Coney was born in Uganda, whose citizens did not possess much beef in their refrigerators. Coney wanted to help with the shortages, so he decided to attempt hunting. By the end of his trip, Coney didn't kill any animals, but he realized that they were not necessary in the production of hot dogs. He ended up acquiring secret ingredients from Uganda's soil and mixing them until a beef-resembling hot dog was formed. To this day, the ingredients are not confirmed, but are believed to be vodka, raccoon blood, a banana peel, scrap metal, and brown food coloring.
Coney opened his first hot dog stand, named Coney Island in 1974. Many customers attended the stand and purchased up to seven hot dogs each day. Coney Island stayed in business until late 2011, when it received its first American customer, President Barack Obama. Obama was ecstatic about Coney's masterpiece and brought it home back to the United States, where he enjoyed it with a bag of French fries that were bought in France. When Obama was full, he lent the rest of the dog to Hillary Clinton, who enjoyed it as well.
The Campaign is Launched[edit]
Hillary Clinton realized the only way she could be elected president was to send Obama to Uganda during the 2012 presidential election. She hired a random guy off of the streets of San Diego to narrate and create a propaganda video, because Hillary was not a technology expert. The video was released on YouTube and became the most watched video of all-time, surpassing "Cat Purrs While Sleeping", a video about a cat that purrs while sleeping. Americans were motivated by the narrator's words and all created "Kony 2012" posters as the video told them to. This was the second project by Hillary Clinton that caused mind control, the first being her Health Care plan.
The plan backfired at Clinton though, because American citizens believed that Kony was the Republican candidate that would be running for president in 2012. His popularity gained support, as did the craving of Coney Island hot dogs. On April 20, 2012, 97.4% of the population decided to hang up a poster demanding Obama to retrieve frankfurters from Uganda, due to a severe epidemic of TMD (The Munchies Disease). Joseph Coney was alarmed and heard the news that the Americans were attacking his nation, so he organized an army of his favorite hot dog customers called the LRA ("Lord's Resistance Army", a Ugandan phrase that translates into "I Love Coneys" in English).
Obama struggled to seize the hot dogs from the Coney Island stand, but accidentally obliterated it when he threw a bowling ball in its direction. He eventually retreated, but ruined Uganda's rich hot dog history. To cover up the fact that he destroyed the Coney Island hot dog stand, Obama opened James Coney Island, a restaurant that would sell Rwandan hot dogs. This experiment succeeded as Americans believed that they were eating Ugandan hot dogs.
Aftermath[edit]
Since Obama returned to America safely, he was eligible for re-election in 2012. On Election Day, Joseph Coney received the most votes and won every state except for North Dakota. However, Coney was never delivered the news that he was the American president, so Obama continued his duties.
The man who Hillary Clinton paired up with to create the YouTube propaganda was eventually arrested for running around naked in public. Before the handcuffs were applied, he claimed that he was symbolizing the "freedom" that America would achieve upon receiving an authentic Ugandan hot dog.